The High Road
by Roadglide08
Summary: Kendra was in love with Jax and he knew it. But she left without a goodbye. Would he just let her go? * not good at summaries, please just give it a shot!*
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So, I've been listening to some new music lately and it has inspired this story. It's been running around in my head for about a week and I just couldn't rid my brain of it so I had to write it down. "Right Here Waiting" and "Take it Out on Me" are on hiatus for the moment as I am trying to find my muse for both stories. I hate to start another one with two unfinished pieces out there but I had to get this out. I hope you guys give this a chance and if you don't like it I will take it down, I just wanted to share. I love reviews, hearing from you guys makes me want to write more, so please let me know what you think. I own nothing but my OC's Olivia, Caroline and Kendra. Everything else belongs to the genius, Mr. Sutter himself.

Chapter 1: Where I'm From

I was gone. Just like that, I watched the only home I had ever known disappear in the rearview mirror. As I passed the "Leaving Charming" sign I could only sigh, this was it. I was moving away and moving on with my life. 27 years old seemed kind of late in life to be restarting, but there was nothing left here for me.

My parents had orphaned us when I was just 13, leaving me, as the oldest of three, to take care of my younger sisters in the best way I could, with the help of "Aunt Gemma and Uncle Clay".

Now they were grown up and on their own, Olivia living in L.A. pursing her fashion career and Caroline living with Olivia and attending UCLA studying medicine. I was the only one stupid enough to stay behind in the house we all grew up in and now I couldn't get out fast enough.

My life was a mess, to say the least. The only steady job I could hold around town was as a secretary at the garage, and that was solely because it belonged to Clay and Gemma. My parents had been close with our un-biological Aunt and Uncle before they died. Dad, Don, was one of the founding members of the local motorcycle club Sons of Anarchy and mom, Sarah, was one of Gemma's closest friends. The two were gunned down while out for a bike ride. The police never were able to identify the culprits but Clay gave me his word that he had tracked down the shooters and "taken care of it". After they were gone life was tough. I always had to be the strong one for Olivia and Caroline and I left my life in shambles to make theirs the best I could.

My mind floated back to just a couple days ago, standing on the T-M lot when I broke the news to Gemma I was leaving. "I have to get out of this shit hole, Gem. I can't stay here any longer and watch my life crumble day by day."

"He'll pull his head out of his ass, sweetheart. Just give him a chance." She was trying any angle she could to get me to stay. She knew he was my weakness, always has been, but it wouldn't work this time. I couldn't let it if I wanted to get control of my life.

"It's not because of him, well not just because of him anyway." I lied, it was mostly because of him. "This town is sucking my soul dry and I can't just sit by and watch it go anymore. I want more out of life then sitting here, faking smiles for assholes who think I'm just some SAMCRO bimbo because I work with them. Olivia and Caroline are letting me crash with them for a while until I figure out what I'm going to do and I think it's the best choice for now."

I couldn't just sit by and watch him from a distance. We had done our dance, more than once, and the final one ended abruptly when he found out his soon-to-be ex-wife was pregnant. I was in love with him, had been since the day I discovered boys didn't really have cooties. It didn't help that we were always around each other. I knew him better then I knew myself sometimes.

We rendezvoused in high school before he had fallen for the dark haired devil who only crushed his soul in the end and again more recently before he went off the deep end and married that crank whore Wendy. I couldn't let him just come to me when he was lonely, before the next best thing came along. He knew I was a sucker for his charm and he used that to his advantage.

"You're sure this is what's best, Kendra? It's going to leave quite the hole around here." I nodded in her direction, but with one eyebrow raised she gave me her famous "Gemma" look and I knew she was concocting something in that fucked up head of hers.

Mile-marker 298 caught my eye and brought me back to reality, I had a long 5 hours ahead of me at this rate. Deep down I didn't want to leave, this was all I had ever known, but there was nothing left for me in Charming.

Jax flew into the lot on his Dyna. He needed to talk to his mother, now. He had gone by Kendra's house and the place looked like a ghost town. He was able to jimmy the door open, only to find everything gone except for the furniture. Closet's, dressers, everything was empty. Fear pulsed through his veins.

"Ma!" He yelled out towards the office as he marched in that direction.

"What's wrong, baby?" She noticed the panicked look on his face as she met him in the doorway.

"Where's Kendra? I went by her house and everything's gone. Is she alright?" He ran a hand through his long blonde hair.

Gemma wasn't sure how to break this to him. She actually was a little surprised that Kendra hadn't at least said goodbye to Jax. All the shit going on with Wendy using again while carrying his baby, she knew this news would send him into a tailspin, but it was too late to back away from it now with him standing in front of her waiting impatiently for an answer.

"She packed up and left. Headed for L.A. to stay with Liv and Caroline for a while. Gave me some bullshit line about having to get out of Charming and start over."

And that was all it took. She saw the sadness flash through his blue eyes briefly before they hardened over.

He had no words. One of his best friends was gone and hadn't even had the decency to say goodbye to him. How could she just up and leave without even telling him she was going.

He turned on his heel, trudged out of the office and headed straight for the clubhouse. His life seemed to be falling apart at the seams and he had no one to talk to about it. His reality check was gone. He didn't always treat her the way she deserved, but he always knew she would be there for him or so he thought.

He knew she was in love with him, she had even confessed it to him a couple times while they were drunk. They had slept together a few times, but he never thought of her more than just his best friend, well besides Opie. He had known marrying Wendy had crushed her, she distanced herself from him after that.

But now, she was totally gone and he didn't know what to do with himself. It was like a part of him was gone too. He had taken her for granted, taken their friendship for granted. The shit with Tara almost took his sanity, but Kendra knew just how to bring him back to reality, but now this shit with Wendy, the drugs and with him about to become a father, was almost too much for him to handle. He was alone.

I looked down at my phone, it was ringing for what seemed like the hundredth time in a row. I recognized the number even though I had already deleted his name from my contacts. He always used the same burner when he called me. I pressed ignore again. I figured he had seen Gemma and she had shared the news of my departure by now.

I had nothing to say to him though. I had purposely not told him or said goodbye because I knew if I saw him and he asked me to stay, I would without hesitation.

He didn't want me, he made it pretty obvious. I was just there to get him from one heart break to the next. I felt my phone vibrate on my thigh. I took my eyes off the road, noticing I had a new text. "Please answer me."

I thought about what he was probably going through right now. Gemma strategically informed me before I took off that Jax found out Wendy was using again. I felt horrible for both Jax and his unborn child. I knew he was probably headed for the ledge again, but I couldn't be that rope pulling him back to safety, yet again. It was dragging me down in the process every single time.

Gemma had always prophesied that we would end up together and reign as the new king and queen of SAMCRO someday. I tried to hold onto that pipe dream, but every time I witnessed him using his famous "darlin'" on some sweet-butt, or flashing his blue eyes at someone else, a part of me crumbled. I tried to convince everyone, including myself, that I was leaving to better myself and start a new life, but in reality I left because I couldn't watch Jax love everyone else but me.

For a brief second I contemplated texting him back, but I knew it would just drag me back down that rabbit hole. I shut my phone off, choosing to ignore what my heart was telling me, and pulled into the first parking spot I could find in the large apartment complex that my sisters occupied. I didn't feel like hauling all my shit up three flights of stairs at this hour, so I grabbed the one bag I knew had a change of clothes in it, and headed for apartment 308B.

"We're so glad you're here, Ken. Just wish it didn't take you this long to realize you needed out of that town and away from him." Liv handed me a plate with a slice of cheese pizza on it. I just wanted to change the subject. My entire 5 hour ride had been focused on memories of him. The more I thought about Jax, the more it made me want to run back to where he was. I just shot her a timid smile and took a bite of my pizza.

"What did he say when you told him you were leaving?" Caroline was always the nosey one and usually I didn't mind but talking about this was not the first thing I wanted to do when I got here. "I didn't tell him." I brushed it off like it was nothing, but the look of shock on both my sisters faces indicated this conversation was far from over.

"You didn't tell him you were leaving? You didn't even say goodbye?" they both chimed in in unison. I had no idea this topic was so interesting to them. They had known the saga, but never seemed to take too much of an interest in it, other than making sure I knew they wanted me away from him after he had done so much damage to me.

"No. I just told Gemma, obviously. And, judging by the missed phone calls and texts, I'm sure she told him by now." I finished off the crust of my first slice and reached for another one, this was the first food I had eaten all day and I didn't realize how hungry I really was.

"Do you think he'll come looking for you? Does Gemma know you came here?" My God, these girls were insatiable. "Yes, she knows and I'm sure she made that known to him, but I know he won't come here. He has his own life, he won't be trying to fix mine too."

Liv and Caroline agreed and finally dropped the subject. Luckily, they had a three bedroom apartment and I was able to retreat from them and their interrogation in order to get some rest. That is if my brain would let me forget about his blonde hair and blue eyes for one night.

A/N: Sorry for another note, I just wanted to add that, obviously, this is a Jax story. Tara was in the picture when they were in high school but has since gone off to Chicago and will not play a huge role in this story. The timeline begins a bit before season 1 started and may follow some of the storyline but not quite to a "T". Let me know what you guys think, pretty please!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews, follows and fav's. I absolutely LOVE seeing them and you have no idea how much I truly appreciate each and every one of them. This is going to be somewhat of a slow burn between Jax and Kendra, or at least until I can't hold out any longer. ;) Enjoy and please review and let me know what you think. The more reviews I get the faster I get another chapter pumped out, they're like crack for this writer!

Two weeks had gone by and I was finally adjusting to life in the big city. Liv had taken a couple days off of work to show me around and help me get acclimated while Caroline had shown me around the UCLA campus. She thought it would be a good idea for me to talk to someone in the student resources department, she's been trying to convince me to go back to school since she enrolled in the medical program. I, on the other hand, wasn't so sure that's the kind of commitment I was ready to make.

I hadn't gotten a job yet. I was applying for things, bartending, waitressing, things like that but since I had absolutely zero experience with either I hadn't received any call backs yet. I wasn't worried, I had some money in savings that I hadn't touched since mom and dad died, plus Gemma was pretty generous with my paychecks, so I had managed to save quite a bit.

I was surprised that my mind finally stopped thinking and dreaming about Jax after only a couple of days. I was keeping myself occupied so I wouldn't have a chance, but with no phone calls or texts after the night I left he had made it pretty easy to do. I occasionally found myself wondering what he was doing and how he was doing, but the pain in my heart was starting to lessen.

The sun shining through my bedroom window stirred me from one of the most restful sleeps I had in years. Before I could even stretch I heard my phone vibrating on the nightstand next to me, making me groan a little. I glanced at the screen and noticed it was Caroline. Before answering I looked at the clock. Shit, it was already noon!

"Hello?" I tried to keep the grogginess to a minimum in my voice.

"Lazy ass. Get out of bed! I want you to come meet me for lunch over here on campus."

Ugh! I love my sisters dearly, but they still felt the need to coddle me every day and find things for me to do, even though I've already been here for a while. I think it was more out of fear that I would race back to Charming the second I could more than anything.

"Alright, just let me shower and I'll be over. Give about 25 minutes. I'll call you when I'm on my way."

"Ok, and hey, try to look somewhat put together, there's someone I want you to meet."

Before I could protest the sound of the dial tone rang in my ear. Why my sister felt the need to set me up was beyond me. I wasn't ready for a relationship. I came here to start over, to figure out what I want to do and she already wanted me to meet someone. I was past the point of annoyed, I was downright pissed off.

-BREAK-

He tried to hide it from everyone and he thought he was doing a good job of it up until this moment, his mother in his face questioning him as to why he had been so pissy lately.

"I'm fine, Ma. Just got a lot of shit on my plate right now." He tried to avoid this conversation at all costs, but deep down he knew that would never happen with Gemma around.

"You sure you're not just upset because Kendra is gone. Seems like this you've been quite the asshole since she left two weeks ago."

"Just give it a rest, Ma. Stop trying to stir shit up."

He headed out of the garage and towards his bike. He needed to find Opie and talk to him.

The two men sat on the tailgate of Opie's truck outside the lumber yard.

"I don't know man, I think Kendra leaving without even telling you is fucking with your head. You two had something going on. You know she was in love with you." There were two people in Jax's life he could always count on to be straightforward with him, one was standing in front of him and the other was 5 hours away.

"I'm fine, brother. We were just friends, friends that got lonely sometimes. I just got a lot of shit going on, with Wendy and the baby. I'm just trying to sort through it all."

"If you say so, man." There was no way Opie was going to get into this with him now. He knew Jax would realize it sooner or later.

The burner in his pocket went off, giving Jax a bit of reprieve in defending his feelings and mood.

"Yeah?"

"Jax, you need to get to St. Thomas. I went by the house and found Wendy on the floor, she OD'd. They're doing an emergency c-section." Gemma's voice was steady but the sense of urgency in it was unavoidable.

"Fucking bitch. I'm on my way."

He noticed the confused look on Opie's face. "Junkie whore OD'd, kids being born early."

Before Opie could answer, Jax was on his Dyna and kicking up dirt.

Gemma had one more phone call to make before she made her way back into the hospital. One she knew Jax would appreciate at some point. She knew her son and knew for sure this would be the straw the broke the camel's back with him if he didn't have her around. Jax needed to pull his head out of his ass when it came to her and if there was any way she could speed that process up, especially when she knew he would need her the most, this would be the way.

-BREAK-

I sat at the little table outside the on-campus coffee shop with Caroline. She kept checking the time on her phone. I tried to look decent, per her orders. I wore a pair of skinny jeans with my leopard print ballet flats and a white, sleeveless chiffon blouse.

"He should be here soon, he gets out of class in about 2 minutes."

My knee was bouncing up and down. My sister had made it known this was "the perfect guy for me." He was tall, dark hair, green eyes and well on his way to being an orthopedic surgeon. I tried explaining to her that I wasn't ready for this, to be set up with a stranger. To meet someone who knew nothing about who I was or what I had been through. I just wanted some "me" time.

"Here he comes." She stood up and gave the man that was now standing in front of us a hug. Once she pulled away she gave me the "hairy" eyeball that meant I needed to stand up and greet this visitor as well.

I stuck my hand out in his direction "Hi, I'm Kendra."

His strong hand met mine and it was a different feeling. It was soft, not hard and calloused like the hands I was used to touching, the hands that back home I would do anything to have touching me.

"It's very nice to meet you, Kendra. I'm Brian. I've heard a lot about you."

I gave my sister a glare. She needed to learn to mind her own business sometimes.

"Well, I apologize. I've heard nothing about you except that you're studying to be an orthopedic surgeon."

Brian opened his mouth to answer but was cut off by Caroline. "Wish I could stay and chat with you guys, but I have class and I can't be late."

She gave me a smug look and I wanted nothing more than to slap it off her beaming face. "Call me later, Ken."

She waved and left the two of us. If I ever wanted to murder someone, especially Caroline, it would be right now.

He was handsome, I had to give her that. He wasn't really my type, I liked a man that liked to work with his hands in a different way. One that didn't care if he got a little dirty. A man that I could feel safe with and know that no matter what happened he would protect me. But, maybe I needed to expand my taste and try something new for a change. That's what this move was about, anyways.

We talked for a while getting to know each other and I found myself starting to like him. He was kind and genuine, or seemed it anyway, he had a small house about 20 minutes from the campus and is originally from Laguna Beach. He seemed more like Liv's type and in all honesty I was surprised Caroline hadn't introduced her instead. Both she and Caroline had gotten my mom's beautiful, curly blonde hair and hazel eyes. They were both on the taller side and had legs that went on for miles. I, on the other hand, being the oldest took after my father. I had pin straight dark brown hair and was shorter than my sisters. I did get his bright blue eyes, which are one asset I do love about myself but I always envied my sisters looks.

"Would you like to go to dinner tomorrow night?" I could hear his voice shake a bit. It was kind of rejuvenating to witness a man being nervous around me instead of automatically assuming I'm going to jump in bed with him the first chance we get.  
Before I could answer my damn cell phone played the stereotypical iPhone ringtone, which was probably the soundtrack to this campus.

Her name flashed across the screen and my heart leapt into my throat. The sinking feeling in my gut told me something was wrong.

"I'm sorry, just give me one minute." I excused myself from him and tried to find a quiet corner.

"Hello?"

"Kendra, something happened." I absent mindedly gripped the chair I was holding onto tighter "Wendy OD'd, I found her at the house blacked out and bleeding. She's at St. Thomas, they're doing an emergency C-section."

"Oh my God." It was all I could put together and form a sentence with. I always hated that junkie bitch, but now to do this shit to an innocent baby, I wanted her blood.

"You need to get back here, now. Jax is gonna need you."

"Gemma, I can't just drop everything and come back. There's nothing I can do for him, anyway."

"Sweetheart, you're family. You need to get your scrawny ass back here now. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you."

I let out an audible sigh that I knew she would hear, along with everyone around me. With that she already knew my answer.

"I'll be at the hospital. See you soon, baby."

I headed back over to where Brian was sitting. Was this going to be my life? Every time Charming needed me, every time Gemma thought Jax needed me, I would just jump back into my role as "darling (un-biological) niece" and "loyal, devoted and heart-broken best friend".

"Everything alright?"

I hated to do this to him. He had no idea what life was like back in Charming. "Not really, I'm sorry. I have to go. I have to go back home for an emergency. I won't be able to do dinner tomorrow."

"That's ok, I'll take a rain check. Just let me know when you're back in town and we'll meet up. Here," he took my phone and put his number in it, sending himself a text message from it "now we have each other's numbers and you won't be able to avoid me." His smile was so inviting.

"Sounds like a deal. Thanks for understanding." He stood up and gave me a hug. It was warm, something I didn't realize I missed until now.

"Talk to you soon, Kendra."

I gave him a wave and rushed off to my car. I knew I couldn't tell Liv and Caroline until I was already out of the city limits. They were going to kill me.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm going to sound like a broken record here, but I'll be saying this every chapter at this rate. Thank you all so very much for reading, reviewing, the favorites and follows. It blows me away that people actually take the time to read something I've concocted in my mind. Please, keep it up!

It was official, my sisters hated me. I called Caroline to let her know where I was headed and why I wouldn't be coming home tonight. The conversation hadn't gone so well and it was still replaying in my mind.

"Really, Kendra? Just like that you up and run back because Gemma calls. Jax has a problem and you rush right to him. Why did you even leave in the first place if you knew you would just go right back?" I don't know what made her think she could belittle me the way she was, but in a twisted way, she had a point.

"It's not like I'm going back for good. I'm only going back for Gemma's sake, and to see how the baby is. Jax has nothing to do with this decision." That was a pure lie. He had everything to do with it.

"Did you just blow Brian off? Couldn't stand being with someone who might actually be able to care about you for more than one night?" She was hitting below the belt now and if I were there I would knock her clear across the room for that remark.

"Listen, Caroline, who I choose or choose not to spend my time with is my business and not any of your concern." I didn't need to explain myself or the entire situation to her. She was being a bitch now.

"I have to go, I'll call you and let you know when I'll be back. Please tell Liv what's going on."

"Yup." That was the only thing I heard before she hung up in my ear. I tried my best to keep calm and under control while doing everything I could to get back to Charming as quickly as possible. I think I made record time in just about four hours.

I pulled into St. Thomas and spotted Gemma's Cadillac, along with a few Harley's that I couldn't mistake. I grabbed my phone and purse, rushing through the automatic doors. I was about to ask the young blonde sitting at the information desk where to go but I spotted the back of a SAMCRO kutte and a pair of lightning bolts that I would know anywhere.

"Juice." I rushed over to him, the look on his face said it all. Word had definitely gotten around that I left Charming and he couldn't believe I was standing in front of him.

"Kendra, aren't you supposed to be in L.A.?" He leaned in for a quick hug.

"I was, but Gemma called and told me what was going on. Where is everyone?"

"They're on the fifth floor, I'm headed up there now." I nodded and stepped in stride with him towards the elevator. I braced myself for what I was about to come face to face with.

I knew Jax was here, his bike was amongst the row of Dyna's parked outside. I had done everything I could to avoid confronting him before I left. I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to see him before leaving, but I had never taken into consideration having to see him after the fact.

The elevator opened and the waiting room in front of us was full of brothers. Gemma spotted me first and came rushing over, thankfully.

"Oh baby, I'm so glad you're here." She leaned in and pulled me to her. She reeked of cigarettes and perfume. Oddly enough, it was something I had discovered I missed.

I pulled back from her embrace, the look of worry and fear was very apparent on her make-up clad face. "How's he doing?"

"The baby or Jax?" How did I know she would already bring Jax into this.

"The baby."

"Well because of the crank he was born with a hole in his stomach and because of genetics he was cursed with the family flaw, hole in his heart." I could only shake my head.

This poor tiny human being hadn't even been here for 24 hours and was already fighting for his life.

"Do they think they can fix both?"

"Said there's a twenty percent chance he'll make it. They're going to fix his stomach first. If he stabilizes after that surgery, they'll go in and fix the heart."

I knew I had to ask how Jax was taking this. It had to be killing him. As much as he had confided in me he wasn't ready to be a father, I knew he was a man who would take responsibility for his actions. This was still his child, planned or not.

"Where's Jax at with all of this?"

She nodded in his direction, he was sitting in a chair facing the doors that led back to the operating rooms. He was slumped over, head resting in his hands, blonde hair hanging in front of his face. The site alone was enough to make me crumble.

"Why don't you find out for yourself? I didn't tell him you were coming. He hasn't been himself since you left, sweetheart. Been walking around all moody and shit. That's gotta count for something, right?"

I didn't know how to go about this. "Oh hey, I'm sorry about your kid. And by the way, I'm sorry I didn't say good bye to you?" This was uncharted territory for me and for a brief second I regretted coming. I slowly approached him, taking a seat next to him.

He hadn't moved from his position. He was obviously used to people coming and going, telling him how sorry they are, to the point he didn't even bother to look up anymore. I knew I would have to make the first move.

I reached over and placed my hand gently on his thigh. He lifted his head and looked in my direction. His piercing blue eyes were misted over and red rimmed, I suddenly felt like I was drowning. I was at a loss for what to do or say.

"Kendra? What are you doing here?"

"I'm so sorry about the baby, Jax." "His name is Abel." He cut me off.

"That's a good name, very strong. I'm so sorry. It sounds like he has a chance though. If he's anything like you, he's resilient and won't go down without a fight."

"Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing here, Kendra?" he repeated and I knew that this wasn't going to be the kind of reunion I was hoping for. His anger was getting the best of him.

"Gemma called and told me what happened. I came back because I wanted to make sure Abel was ok."

"Well, we made it through the past couple weeks without you around, I'm sure we would have made it through this without you too." Woah, that stung. I knew he would be upset, but with the circumstances surrounding us I didn't think it would go anything like it just had.

"I just came over here to see how you were doing." I stood up and walked away. I didn't want to cause a scene. He was going through something that for me was unimaginable and I needed to let him be.

I headed back to my old house. It looked just the way I had left it two weeks ago, which was reassuring. I was afraid once word got around I was gone someone might help themselves to anything inside. When I left I knew I wanted to keep it for a bit. I wasn't sure how the move would turn out and I needed somewhere to go if it didn't work, but things were going fairly well in L.A. despite my lack of employment.

I set my bag down and plopped on the couch. It had been a long day and Jax's reaction had only made everything worse.

I knew I still loved him. After seeing him the way I did this afternoon it became apparent again. The hate in his voice, the anger in his eyes though, that was something I had never seen directed towards me. I just wish he could understand why I couldn't tell him I was leaving, or say good bye to him.

He was my first real crush, my first love once I figured out what love was and the first guy I ever slept with. I trusted him with my life and given everything we had been through, every crow eater I watched him head to his dorm with, the major heartbreak he endured that I had to witness and cure, I would still go back and do it all again. But I had to look at the opposite side of things. He never wanted me as more than a friend, I was just a doormat for him when he wanted someone to make him feel at home. He was the one man I knew I would never get over but would never possess. Jackson Teller and I were just not meant to be and I had to come to accept that. I needed to be strong. I needed to stand my ground for once.

A chirp from my phone shook me from my thoughts. "Just thought I would make sure you made it back home safe."

I felt myself lighten up at the sweet gesture from Brian. It was something I wasn't used to, but something I could definitely get used to. I typed a quick response back "Yes, safe and sound. Thank you."

Before I could toss my phone back onto the coffee table another chirp came through. "Good. Hopefully I can cash in that rain check soon. It will be hard to go without dinner until then ;)"

This was new territory for me, a man was trying to "woo" me. "I'll let you know as soon as I'm back, wouldn't want you to starve to death :)"

A smile graced my lips and I felt content for the first time since I arrived back in this God forsaken town.

-BREAK-

"Jesus Christ, what the hell did you say to her? She only came back here because of me. I told her about Abel and I told her to come, that her family needed her." Gemma waltzed over to his seated position and tried to keep her voice down.

"She isn't family anymore, Ma. She wanted out and she got out. What the fuck did you call her for anyways, I don't need her here." Jax was fuming. On top of everything going on he was taken aback by the presence of Kendra, which sent him free falling over the ledge. She was the first person he had wanted to call after he arrived at the hospital and had gotten the news of Abel's well-being, but he needed to push that feeling to the back of his mind.

"You better get your head out of your God-Damned ass, Jackson. That girl loves you and would do anything for you. You're the reason she left. Don't you see that? She came back here because YOUR son is in danger. She came back to be here for YOU. If you don't realize any of that shit soon, you're going to be a bitter old man with nothing left but his patch." She hoped her words sank into his thick skull as she made her way towards the elevator. She just hoped Kendra hadn't taken off already.

. Chibs, Tig and Juice sat in the corner of the waiting room trying desperately not to make it known they had just witnessed the whole show.

"I gotta get out of here. Call me if the doc comes out with any news." He padded towards the stair well, slamming open the door and all but running down to his bike.

He rode around on his bike for what felt like hours but in reality was only about 45 minutes. His head was throbbing and his mind could barely comprehend thoughts. He had a kid, born 10 weeks premature, with a small chance of survival. How could he let this happen? He should have been checking in on that crank whore.

And the icing on the cake, in what felt like his darkest hour, he confronted the one woman whose face had haunted his every thought and dream since she left. His mind went back to the waiting room and the words he spewed at her. She was one of the few people he knew would be steady in his life and she had abandoned him. His mood had really gone to shit once he found out she had left. He had no interest in the parties anymore, not even an interest in the crow eaters and sweet-butts that would kill for a one night shot in bed with him. He wondered why now, after years of knowing her and spending time with her, did he just care if she was around or not.

He had to find her, he needed to know her reason for leaving, her reason for not even telling him good bye.

-BREAK-

The rumble of one lone bike slowing down outside of the front door made my heart palpitate. I knew exactly who it was and I felt like I was going to be sick. I wasn't ready for this confrontation, the shit at the hospital was enough for one day and I didn't want to go through it twice.

The urgent pounding on the screen door made it apparent that I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. This was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not.

"Coming!" I yelled from the living room once it was obvious the pounding wasn't going to end.

I opened the door and stepped aside letting him in without a word. I glanced at him, not knowing what to say or why he was even here. He had made his anger clear at the hospital, how much more could he possibly have to say?

"Is Abel ok?" I tried to break the ice.

"Same as before, haven't heard any different." His words were cold and harsh. If he came here for me to do all the talking then he needed to get the fuck out, I wasn't going to have him in my house acting like the pretentious prick he was being.

Before I could think of something else to say he interrupted my thoughts. "I have to know, why did you do it?"

"Do what?" I knew what he meant but I needed to give myself more time before answering him. "Leave. You just up and left. Why?" He was staring at me, there was those piercing blue eyes again boring into my skull, waiting for my reply.

"I just wanted something different. I wanted to spend more time with Liv and Caroline. Just get a change of scenery." I wasn't sure I was ready to admit the truth to him, it was hard to even admit to myself.

"That's bullshit, Kendra, you and I both know me why you left." He demanded. He wasn't going to let this go. I knew I would have to tell him, if just to get him to shut the fuck up and leave.

"You want to know the real reason?" He nodded "You. You're the reason I left." The confused look on his face told me I needed to divulge the rest. "I couldn't just live day to day in this town doing the same thing over and over, watching you turn to anything that has two sets of lips. You knew how I felt about you and you used that to your advantage. Coming to me when nothing else was available, knowing I would be there for you every time. You were my best friend, Jax and I thought I was yours, but I realized that I wanted to be more than that while you were just looking for a segway from one good time to the next. I would've done anything for you, anything for a chance with you. But I've come to realize that I don't need to live my life like that, I need to care about myself and do what's right for me. I couldn't take it anymore, my life was shit here. I needed a fresh start, a clean break from you and this town. That's why I left." The tears were now pouring down my cheeks, tears that I hadn't even realized started flowing. It was the first time I had actually admitted everything out loud.

He paused a moment, trying to compose his words. "So, is that why you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't tell you because I knew I wouldn't be able to. How could I tell you I was moving away? I knew that if you asked me to stay, I would've in a heartbeat." I took a deep breath. There, it was all out in the open. He needed to know where I stood and now he had everything he needed to know.

I witnessed him trying to process everything I just threw at him. Was he really that blind? Had he not realized how deeply I felt for him and how much it ruined me to watch him go about his life without a care in the world?

He didn't say a word. I could tell he was getting ready to leave and I fully expected he would. I knew he wouldn't be able to handle the truth, that's why I tried to avoid making it known to him up until now.

I looked into his eyes and before I knew what was happening his ring clad hands were in either side of my face pulling me to meet his. His lips pressed hard against mine and before I could react I felt myself kissing him back.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you everyone, yet again. Your encouragement, all aspects of it, is contributing to the faster completion of chapters. Enjoy, and as always, let me know what you're thinking! As usual, I own nothing but my OC's. This chapter was inspired by the song "Let Her Go" by Passenger.

Chapter 4: Let Her Go

That kiss, it left my lips still burning. He was long gone. He took off a few minutes afterwards, neither of us wanting to be the first to pull away. I felt every emotion, every feeling I had ever had towards him pouring through me in that kiss. I could've sworn I felt the same from him, but it was probably just my hopes instead of reality.

I don't know why he did it and he left with no explanation. Maybe it was the goodbye kiss I was dreading from him if I had told him I was leaving, like the curtain call to our recital. Maybe he was giving me his blessing. I don't know, I had never been so confused in my life over him.

I was sure he headed back to the hospital so I knew I wouldn't be able to check in there for a while. I desperately wanted to figure out what the hell was going on in that screwed up head of his.

My mind was still reeling as I stepped out of the shower. I just stood under the water until it ran cold trying to decipher each action that had taken place not an hour ago. He had never kissed me like that before, with such urgency and need. I knew he was in pain. The thought of losing his son because his ex-wife cared more about getting high then the health of her unborn child would crush anyone, but especially Jax. But I just couldn't let myself fall back under his hypnosis. He always found a way to drag me back under when he needed someone and I needed to put an end to it this time, I could no longer be that girl. He needed to shit or get off the pot.

I heard that damn ringtone going off. Sometimes I wanted to break that piece of shit and never have to answer to anyone. I rushed out to the coffee table in my towel and spotted Gemma's name gracing the screen.

"Hey Gemma." I was hoping this conversation would strictly be about Abel, I couldn't tolerate anymore Jax talk today.

"Hey sweetheart, I just wanted to let you know that something happened during Abel's stomach surgery and the doc decided to fix both holes while they had him under. They finished and it looks like he may come out of it but they are still watching him."

I let out a small sigh of relief. It sounded like Abel may make it out alright. No child should ever have to endure what this poor, innocent baby has already.

"That's good, right? I'm sure he'll be ok, he's got strong family genes."

"You ain't kidding. Especially if he takes after me." I heard her chuckle a bit and was happy to see the mood was lifting given the situation. "I'll stop by when I leave here, bring you something to eat. I'm sure you haven't had a chance to get anything."

"That's alright, don't worry about me, Gem. I was just going to order a pizza and hang out. It's been a long day and I just want to get some sleep." I debated on telling her that I would be heading back to L.A. tomorrow, especially since Abel looked like he was going to be alright, there was no need for me to stick around.

"Alright, baby." She paused and I was waiting for the question, I knew it was coming. "When you heading back to the big city?"

I decided not to hesitate, it was my life. It didn't matter what anyone else wanted. "Tomorrow, I guess. Since things with Abel are looking up, my services don't seem to be needed any longer. Plus, I really should get back to job hunting before I spend all my savings."

"You make sure you say goodbye this time, to all of us." I sensed the annoyance in her voice.

"You bet. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye, Kendra."

-Break-

If Abel made it through the night then the chances he would be alright were extremely high. He felt relief pulsate through his body when he got that call from his mother. A glimmer of hope in the shit storm that had become his life in just 24 hours.

He laid in the bed of his dorm room, staring at the ceiling in the dark. His heart felt empty, like it had since he first discovered she was gone. He thought about her, everything she had ever done for him. After Tara had crushed him Kendra had all but told her if she ever stepped foot back in Charming she would kill her herself. She stayed with him, holding his hand, the entire night after he learned his father was in an accident and then again when he died. It was her idea for him to memorialize him by getting his forearm tattoo.

There was a lot she had done for him that he just took for granted. He was never there for her the way she had been for him. He never even made a point to ask her how things were going.

When she told him, drunkenly, that she was in love with him he took full advantage of her feelings and had sex with her. He just figured she would always be there. She never indicated that she wanted to leave but, then again, he had never really taken much interest in her feelings. But now, something had changed. She just up and left him.

He felt empty without her around. His anger with her boiled out when she approached him at St. Thomas. Then hearing her spill her guts to him at her house, knowing that he was the sole reason she felt the need to abandon her childhood home and the only family she had left, aside from her sisters, really killed him. Then that kiss, her lips pressed against his. He could feel the pain radiating from her through it.

He hated himself for what he had done to her. Lying in the dark, all alone, he realized one thing. He was in love with her. He knew she would be going back to L.A. soon, especially if Gemma had shared the most recent news about Abel. She made it clear she didn't want to be here anymore. He knew he had to talk to her one more time.

-Break-

I woke up feeling like absolute shit. I hadn't slept, I felt like I had sand in my eyes and my back and hips ached from tossing and turning all night. The only thing running through my mind all night was his lips melting with mine. I knew I couldn't change my mind about going back though, not all over one kiss. It had happened before and if I stayed things would just go back to their same old ways.

A part of me couldn't wait to get the fuck out of this town. It did nothing for me but make me hate the hand I had been dealt. At least in L.A. I could forget about where I came from and what happened to me. I could be anyone and anything I wanted.

The other part of me wanted like hell to stay. For my twisted fairy tale to come to life. For Jax to sweep me off my feet and ride off riding bitch behind him into the sunset. I should be admitted to the loony bin if I EVER thought that would happen.

I packed my bag, making sure I brought anything else from the house I thought I might need.

I grabbed a few more clothes of mine and old comforter that was my parents. There were still things about this house that I missed. I decided I would stop by the hospital before I left and say my goodbyes.

I was sure Gemma would be there. I hadn't seen Clay but I'm sure Gemma passed along every bit of gossip that she could to him. And if Jax was there I could kill two birds with one stone, making my arrival back in the city that much sooner.

Bringing back more stuff with me made me very happy that I drove an SUV. My pearl white Acura MDX definitely made bringing more shit with me that much easier.

I lifted the hatch, threw my bag and the rest of the stuff in the back and closed it. Climbing in the drivers seat I slipped my Ray Ban wayfarers on and backed out of the driveway.

"'Til we meet again, old friend." I bid farewell to the house and pointed the car in the direction of St. Thomas.

As I approached the parking spot and wheeled into it I felt my pulse begin to race. Gemma was here, but I also spotted that familiar Harley. At least being here I could try and avoid any awkwardness between us by keeping as much distance as possible.

I headed up to the fifth floor by taking the stairs. It helped me clear my thoughts and figure out what I would say if he confronted me again. By the time I made it there I was out of breath and still not ready to face the music.

I eyed Gemma standing at the nurse's station, tapping her fingers incessantly. She was one woman who knew how to get her way, no matter what.

"I just want to know when I'll be able to see my grandson. Can't anyone in this hell hole tell me that?"

She acknowledged my presence with a quick nod while a nurse informed her it would be a few hours before she was allowed back to see Abel. After shooting the nurse a disgusted look she headed in my direction.

"You headed back?" She didn't sound too pleased with me. "

Yea, I just wanted to say good bye and check and see how Abel fared overnight." I tried to glance around without her noticing me, I didn't spot Jax anywhere in sight.

"Abel made it through the night, he's getting stronger by the hour. They think he's going to make it." Gemma wasn't oblivious, she most definitely noticed where my eyes were. "He's not up here. Had to step out to take a phone call. You gonna hang around and make sure to say goodbye this time?" I wasn't up for a scolding from her if I refused so I went along with it.

"Yea, I'll just catch him on my way out." She eyed me suspiciously but let it go, surprisingly. "I'm glad Abel is going to be ok. Make sure you call me and keep me updated on him. And send me pictures when you can." I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her. This was almost as hard as it had been the first time. I wasn't sure I would see her again, not anytime soon at least.

"You be careful going back, baby. If you need anything, you call me and come right back. This will always be your home."

I nodded at her words and wiped the stray tear I promised myself I wouldn't shed. I stepped back from her and made my way out. This time I needed to get downstairs by the elevator, that way I wouldn't have the chance to turn back around.

I slipped my sunglasses back on as I made my way out of the hospital doors. I didn't want to look for Jax, I just wanted to leave without notice again.

That plan changed when I saw him standing by the steps, taking a long drag of his cigarette. When he noted my presence he tossed the slim white stick to the ground and snuffed it out with the toe of his bright white sneaker.

I approached him, it was now or never to do this. I wanted to run right past him, jump in my car and high tail it out of here, but I couldn't.

I spoke first. "I hear Abel's going to be ok. That's great, Jax. I'm so relieved."

He nodded. "Yea, it looks like the little guy is going to be alright." He paused, looking down at the ground "Thanks for coming. It means a lot to me that you came all the way back for this. And I'm sorry for everything."

That was a loaded statement if I ever heard one before. I was taken back. After what he said to me yesterday in this very hospital, and then not saying a word to me last night after leaving my house, now he was thanking me? Was that cigarette really a joint?

"You're welcome. I wanted to come back to make sure he was going to be alright. What are they going to do about the junkie whore?" I couldn't utter her name, she had done too much damage.

. "They're shipping her off to rehab. Apparently she tried to kill herself last night by OD'ing again." He shot me a look and I knew she probably had some help with that from a very overprotective grandmother. "You headed back to the city?"

I hesitated, this was really it. My goodbye to Jackson, the only best friend I had ever know, no matter what had happened between us. "Yea, figure I'll hit the road before rush hour traffic gets unbearable down there."

His mind raced. This was his chance to tell her how he felt. He had let her go once and it had taken that action for him to realize that he loved her. Could he really let her leave twice in one month?

"Alright, well you better get going then. Be careful." A twinge of disappointment pinged my heart. My one shot at my fairy tale had died right here in the hospital parking lot.

"Yea, I guess I better be on my way. I'll see ya around?" I leaned in for a quick hug and felt him tense under my touch.

"Yea, I'll see ya around, Ken." He watched her car pull out of the lot and onto the two lane road that led her out of town and out of his life. He hated himself for not being able to tell her, he also hated that he only discovered he loved her when he let her go.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I know it's sort of a slow start, but I really hope you guys are liking this. If you are, please leave me some motivation. Thank you to all those people who have read, reviewed, favorite and follow. I truly appreciate it!

Chapter 5: If She Could See Me Now

It had been almost two months since he just let her drive out of his life. He was miserable and the realization that he was alone made his mood even worse, if that was at all possible. If she could see him now, she would see him mentally breaking down and maybe, just maybe, she would turn back around and come home.

He never thought he would feel this way about someone again after Tara. Wendy had been just a sad time out, a break from the endless disconnect, but he should have seen what was right in front of him the entire time. A woman who would willingly do anything for him and he just tossed her aside.

He hadn't tried to call or text her since she left and she hadn't tried to get ahold of him either. Gemma was on his case about her but he just ignored her. There was no point in trying to change her mind, she had made it perfectly clear that day in her house, while spilling her guts to him, that she wanted a clean break from him and a new life far away from both Charming and him.

"You with us, brotha?" Chibs' voice broke into his thoughts as they readied themselves for yet another run.

"Yeah, I'm here." He didn't have much to say to his brothers these days. Any chance he got he was holed up in his house all alone. The silence left him with his thoughts, which was turning out to be a dangerous thing for him.

Abel was getting stronger by the day and the doctors had told him that as long as he kept it up he would be able to come home in a week. He wouldn't be alone much longer, at least he would have his son home with him instead of in the toaster.

"Ye gotta get your head in the game, Jackie." Great, just what he needed, more lectures coming his way.

"Yea, I got it man." He had to face the music, she wasn't coming back and it didn't seem there was anything he could do about it. He had let her go by choice.

-BREAK-

Life was surprisingly going my way for once. L.A. was turning out to be a great place for me. I looked around my new apartment and took a deep breath, smiling to myself as I did. The past couple of months had gone far better than I had expected. I found a job working as a secretary for an up and coming record label. It was a pretty good gig, 40 hours a week and occasionally getting to scout out new talent with the higher ups at some local bars and clubs.

Brian and I have been dating pretty much since I came back. Our first date was way better than I could have ever planned. Even though it was only dinner and dancing, he opened my eyes to how I wanted a man to treat me. He was kind, romantic and understood that I wanted to take things slow. I didn't want to jump into bed with him right away and ruin things. That's what I did with Jax and I ended up being his bed buddy.

I hadn't divulged any information to him about Charming and the people back there other than that our parents died when I was 13 and our "Aunt and Uncle", who run a garage, helped take care of us until we were old enough. I also told him about Abel being born early, but none of that backstory was shared either. I wasn't ready to scare him away with the SAMCRO talk. He had no idea about Jax or any information about my past so-called love life. The less he knew about that, the better.

The text message staring back at me brought me back down from the high I had been on for the past 8 weeks. "Abel is coming home next weekend. We're having a party for him. Get home for it."

I hadn't heard hyde or hair from anyone from Charming since I left St. Thomas that day. Now Gemma was texting me already wanting me to come back. I wasn't so sure it was the best idea to go back already. Things here were going my way and I didn't want to ruin that by going backwards.

"Not sure. I'll let you know." I typed quickly and shoved my phone back in my purse. I didn't want to deal with this right now, especially with Brian walking through the front door of the office ready to take me to lunch.

"Ready, beautiful?" He leaned over the counter in front of me.

"Yup." I grabbed my purse and rounded the corner. Brian reached for my hand and laced his fingers with mine. It was a strange feeling for me to be attached to someone, both physically and emotionally.

We strolled down to a little café not far from my office. Brian had gotten his residency close by and had started at St. Vincent hospital this week. He was so excited, he couldn't wait to tell me all about his day so far. I was only half listening, the thought of going back to Charming and seeing Jax again was weighing heavily on my mind. I had moved on and he clearly knew I was no longer his door mat, but I was afraid seeing him again would dredge up all those feelings I had strategically buried deep within my heart.

"Earth to Kendra. You with me, babe?" He waved his hand in front of my face and I suddenly realized I hadn't heard a word he said in the past few minutes.

"Sorry. I'm here." I felt bad I had been ignoring him.

"Everything alright?" I debated telling him. His question was so innocent, he had no idea what the loaded answer would be if I shared the truth with him.

"Yea, everything's great." I lied "Just tired, that's all."

"I was thinking next weekend we could go away, just us. Maybe stay at my parent's beach house. I could show you around Laguna and where I grew up."

He looked so excited that I hated to do this to him, but I knew if I didn't go back for Abel's homecoming it would kill Gemma, and I would never hear the end of it no matter how far away I was.

"Actually, I have to go back to Charming. Gemma's grandson, the one I told you about, is finally able to go home and they're having a party for him. If I don't go she'll never let me live it down."

"Oh, ok. Well maybe I could go with you then?"

"Yeah, maybe." Oh boy, this wasn't going to be pretty.

As I sat back at my office, after ending a nice lunch with Brian, I knew I had to let Gemma know I was coming. The questionable part was whether I should let her know Brian was coming with me. I knew it might be worse if I just showed up with him.

"I'll be back next weekend for the party. Can I bring a guest?" I knew I didn't need her permission, but I figured it was better to break the ice about him this way.

She got back to me almost instantly. Damn, I didn't even have time to contemplate my response. "Already made some friends in the big city?"

Here was my chance to either tell her it was my boyfriend or back out before she could warn anyone. "Yup." That was all I could think of. It was better if the interrogation held off until next weekend, I wasn't ready for it yet.

She never answered me. I took that as a sign she knew I would be bringing someone whether she liked it or not.

-BREAK-

I was nervous. I was leaving this afternoon to head back for Abel's party, which was tonight, and Brian insisted he come with me. He had no idea what he would be walking into and I didn't have it in me to warn him yet. It meant I would have to dig into everything else in my past and I definitely wasn't ready to go that far with him, yet.

Brian had called me a few minutes ago and told me he was on his way, which meant I had to be ready to face what was waiting for me back in Charming. Gemma texted me this morning and told me what time to be there. She still hadn't asked who I was bringing along, so I didn't feel the need to share that part with her.

I heard the small knock on my door and took a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before expelling it with a huff. "Hey." I opened the door and moved to the side, letting him come in.

"Ready to go?" I nodded. The real question was he ready for what was about to confront him. As I headed to the couch to grab my bag I heard his pager go off. He was on-call this weekend. He glanced at the number and grabbed his phone out of his pocket. "Give me one minute, maybe I can get out of it."

I smiled at him, a part of me hoped he wouldn't be able to go. I wasn't so sure I was ready to share Charming with him and vice versa. I tried to listen to his conversation but he had stepped into the bedroom and I had lost the trail of his voice.

He greeted me a couple minutes later with a solemn look on his face. "I'm sorry babe, I have to go. Maybe I can meet you up there tomorrow. You're staying up there the whole weekend, right?"

"Yea, I'll be up there until Sunday. It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll call you after the party and you can let me know when you want to do." He gave me a sweet kiss on the lips and grabbed his bag.

"I'll talk to you later sweetheart. Be safe." I gave him a wave and watched him head down the stairs to his car.

A part of me was relieved, I wouldn't have to explain that to Gemma.

-Break-

Gemma had decided to wait until just before the party to break the news to Jax that Kendra was coming. It was all a part of her plan to get them in the same room again. She didn't know what happened the last time she came back, but this time she was determined to get this shit straightened out. She had witnessed Jax's mood deteriorate day by day and knew for a fact Kendra's departure was the reason.

She was at the house hanging some decorations when he came through the front door, hanging his kutte on the coat hanger in the entry way.

"I'm gonna take a shower before I go pick up the kid." He started down the hallway when she stopped him.

"Jackson, Kendra is coming tonight." There was no beating around the bush. He stopped dead in his tracks. His heart started to race. After everything, was he really ready to face her already? This was all his mother's doing.

He turned to face her "Jesus Christ, you just couldn't mind your own God-damned business could you?" He headed back down the hallway to the bathroom and slammed the door.

He stood under the stream of boiling water, his mind running wild at what would happen when he saw her again. Could he really face her? Should he share his revelation of feelings with her? Would it even be fair to her, she probably had a good thing going in L.A.

He let out a deep breath and turned the knob in the off position. Climbing out, he stepped in front of the vanity and took a hard look at himself. He would make the decision once he laid eyes on her.

-Break-

I pulled up to the house, seeing all the bikes and cars made me that much more nervous. I suddenly wondered what the fuck kind of hold Gemma had on me to make me want to come back.I made sure to head to my house first, making sure everything was the way I had left it and getting settled for the weekend.

I knew the party was already under way, I could hear the music. I spotted Gemma holding Abel through the window and felt happy for the first time since rolling past the "Welcome to Charming" sign a few hours ago. It was a huge relief to see that little baby home and healthy.

I gathered up my nerves and stepped up the walkway, opening the front door and letting myself in. I don't know why I was so nervous, I've known these people my entire life. But, things had changed and couldn't just go back to the way they used to be.

Gemma spotted me first. She handed Abel to Clay, who looked like a doting grandfather, and sauntered over in my direction. She grabbed me and pulled me to her "Oh, sweetheart, it's so good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too." I pulled back and looked her in the eye. I really had missed her, even if I hadn't realized it until this moment.

"I'm so glad you came. Here, I'll grab you a drink." She padded off towards the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. She popped the top off and handed it to me. "How's the city treating ya?"

"It's really great. I got my own apartment and found a job working at a record label. It's going really, really well."

She didn't hesitate with her next question "Where's this guest you were supposed to bring with you?"

I tried to gulp down my beer, racking my brain for a quick response. "Oh, ended up not being able to make it."

"Too bad, I was looking forward to meeting this mystery person." She raised one eyebrow and I wasn't sure if she was waiting for me to confess or not. I decided to go with the latter.

My eyes roamed around and then it hit me like a ton of bricks, he was staring at me from across the room. My breath hitched in my throat and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I had no idea seeing him again, even after only two months, would make me feel this way.

Gemma took note of the interaction and nudged me towards him, whispering in my ear "I think someone's been waiting for you."

Ugh, damn Gemma and her need to meddle in everyone's business. She had no idea what happened between us the last time I was home. Yet, she was at it again.

Just as he was making his way towards me I noticed him pull his burner out of his pocket. He stepped to the corner of the room and in an instant I saw his face go pale. He hung up the phone and whispered something to Clay.

"We gotta go." Was all Clay said as he motioned for the guys to head out the door. I tried to listen as Gemma stopped Jax in the doorway. "What's going on, Jackson?"

"Something happened to Donna." And with that he was gone.

-Break-

I waited at Jax's house with Gemma, taking my turn feeding and rocking Abel to sleep. He was a sweet baby, very calm and easy going. I wasn't sure where he got that from.

Just as I laid him down in his crib I heard the front door open. I could barely register the interaction between Jax and Gemma, all I heard was the few words I dreaded hearing "She was gunned down, drive by."

Poor Opie. I couldn't imagine losing a spouse, especially like that.

Jax told Gemma to head home after she made it known to him I was putting Abel down. I heard his footsteps coming towards the room I was in and I quickly exited, I didn't want to wake Abel.

We were about to confront each other for the first time in months and I felt like I was already thrown back into this lifestyle. "I'm so sorry, Jax."

He nodded. "Ope's not taking it so well. I had to put him on lockdown at the clubhouse. Mary's got Kenny and Ellie."

My heart sank lower in my chest. The innocent were always the ones that paid in this outlaw life.

"I guess, I'll get going. Abel is a sweet baby. He should be set for a while, he just had a bottle before he fell asleep." I knew I should leave, being in his house alone with him brought back a lot of memories.

I turned down the hallway, fully intending on letting myself out when I felt him grab my arm and spin me back around to face him. It was happening again, his hands made their way to both sides of my face and he pulled me into him planting his lips on mine, hard. I felt his tongue run along my bottom lip, asking permission to slip inside and I granted it.

His hands moved down my arms and gripped both my hands as our lips melded together. I realized what was happening and suddenly pulled away. "Jax, I can't do this. I won't go through this with you again."

He stopped me mid-sentence. "Kendra, listen to me. I love you."

My body froze, did I need to clean my ears out? "What?"

"I love you, I think I always have, I was just too much of an asshole to realize it. I'm so sorry for everything. I don't want to lose you again"

Before I could respond his lips were back on mine. My body betrayed me by wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. I felt his strong hands grip my hips and a surge of passion pulsated through my veins.

I pushed him backwards, heading towards his bedroom. Our hands were all over each other, shedding clothes as we went along. My mind went numb to all thoughts and my body was just letting this happen.

Here we were, standing in front of each other at the edge of his bed, clad in nothing but his boxers and my yellow bra with black lace and matching yellow lace panties. It's not like this hadn't happened before, but it wasn't ever like this. He had confessed his feelings for me and I think I was in a state of shock.

He looked into my eyes, seemingly asking permission to keep going. I slightly nodded, letting him know to continue whatever was happening. He took a step towards me and reached around behind my back, unclasping the two pieces of fabric that were connected and lowering each strap that adorned my shoulders gracefully down my arms letting it fall in a heap on the floor between us.

He pressed his bare chest against mine and I inhaled sharply, the feeling of our bodies meshed together was already intoxicating. He pushed against me, letting his strong arms guide me on to the bed, carefully lowering himself on top of me while resuming the position of his lips on mine.

His kiss became more urgent and I could feel his desire for me pressing into my pelvis. His hands that had become tangled in my hair, brushed against my body as they made their way down to the waistband of my last remaining barrier. He gave them a tug, indicating for me to lift my hips, and slowly peeled them off my freshly shaved legs.

I replicated the gesture, pulling his red and blue plaid boxers off his hips and tossing them to the side. As his hand brushed against my now throbbing center I couldn't help but look at his eyes staring at me with something different flashing through them, something I had never seen from him before.

He reached between us and I knew what was coming next. I had never anticipated this would happen ever again, especially now. He slid one of his long, slim fingers inside me and I gasped. The way my body was reacting to his touch was borderline embarrassing. He could feel how ready my body was for him and slipped another finger inside. It had been a long time since I had done this, Jax was actually the last one I had been in this position with.

As he pumped his fingers in and out of my soaking middle I couldn't help but arch my back from the pleasure and moan lowly. He could tell I was ready for him, there was no need for the foreplay any longer.

We both could barely contain the anticipation. I felt him nudge my knees apart farther then they already were and I couldn't help but hold my breath for what was about to happen.

I felt him enter me and we both let out a content sigh in unison. He pushed in slowly at first, filling me fully and completely. He waited a second, allowing me to adjust to him as it had become obvious to him that I hadn't been with anyone in quite some time.

I lifted my hips up, urging him on. He pumped in and out of me at an agonizing pace at first. My hands automatically went to his strong, tight ass and pulled him into me signaling him to pick up the pace. He rocked back and forth, in and out for a few minutes, moving faster and thrusting harder with each rock of his hips.

I felt the heat building in the pit of my stomach and I knew what I was on the brink of, and he could tell by the look of pleasure on my face that I was almost at my peak. He dove further and harder into me each time, and with the last plunge he pushed me over the edge.

I felt my body explode as my nails dug down the face of the reaper that marked his back. I knew those marks would be there for a while, but I couldn't contain myself. I called out for him "Oh, God Jax."

Hearing her call his name, knowing he had filled her and pushed her to that feeling sent his body into over drive.

He began thrusting faster and faster into me and I knew he was nearing his release. I felt him still above me and with a low grunt and a whisper of my name I knew he had peaked.

Neither of us dared to move from our position, still connected to each other intimately. I knew the consequence of tonight would hit me once I came down from this high, but right now I was too content to think about it.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I am beyond thrilled at the reaction the last chapter received. Kendra is definitely going to face some hard decisions coming up, I hope you all stay tuned regardless of what she decides! Please keep up the faithful reading, reviewing, favorites and follows. Especially keep up the reviewing, keeps me typing away! By the way, I'm sure I don't have the conversation exact in the table scene after Donna's death, I was trying to do it by memory as my iPod is dead and I can't bring up the episode. Try not to crucify me over it too much!

Chapter 6: Wish I Didn't Know Now

I rolled over to my left side and felt myself bump into something strong and warm. When I felt his arm wrap around my waist the events of the previous night replayed in my mind and I suddenly felt idiotic and very uncomfortable. What had I done? Everything I worked so hard to get away from tossed out the window after one night.

Even though Jax had confessed his feelings for me I knew I couldn't just let that be the end all be all, could I? Sure, I knew I was still in love with him and this is what I had wanted all along. All my heart wanted since I was 13 was to hear those three little words come out of his mouth and mean it. Now here I was, lying in bed with him, both of us naked, thinking about the turmoil I just caused myself. I had a new, great life in L.A., and I had Brian. Was I really ready to give all that up on one "I love you"?

"Mmm.." he moaned as his thumb traced the outline of my hip bone "morning, babe." Oh, Jesus. He was already starting with the pet names. My head was spinning, I had to gather my thoughts, and clothes, and bolt.

"Morning." I mumbled as I sat up, looking around the room and mentally noting where my clothes had been strewn. I had to get dressed and get out of there.

"Got plans for the day?" I looked in his direction as I watched him sit up next to me, the blanket barely covering his strong torso. I took note of the new tattoo I hadn't noticed the night before that graced his left peck, right over his heart it read "Abel".

"Yea. I've got to head back to the house." I didn't really have much going on, but I didn't need to let him know that.

"I've got some club shit I've got to take care of and then I'll have to check in on Op. Didn't know if you wanted to come with." Shit I had forgotten all about poor Opie. I would have to stay at least until after Donna's funeral now.

"Uh.. sure." I didn't know what to say, I couldn't just bail now after everything that happened last night.

"You alright?" His voice broke through my overly confused thoughts.

"Yea, just a hard night last night." He nodded in agreement.

"I thought maybe later we could talk." Fuck, there it was. I wasn't ready for this. I needed to figure out what I wanted before he went all pussy on me.

"Um, ok." He gave me one last look as he headed into the bathroom.

I let out the breath I didn't realize I had been keeping inside and quickly jumped out from under the sheets.

I threw on my underwear and bra, shirt and pants. I couldn't just leave without letting him know. "I'm gonna head home. I'll talk to you later." I yelled into the bathroom. Before I could hear his answer I escaped.

-BREAK-

"How is he?" Clay questioned Jax, knowing he would be the one to see him most recently.

"I don't know."

"How do you think he is?" Piney chimed in.

No one wanted to make eye contact with the old man, the situation was hard enough without facing off against a man in pain.

"There's no viewing, funerals tomorrow." Jax looked down at his hands. This could have just as easily been Kendra instead of Donna if she had stuck around Charming and never moved to L.A.

"Let's get people down for this, I want a good show of support."

"Happy's already in town." The table looked to Juice "I'll start making some calls."

"I gotta take responsibility for this." Jax's head whipped in the direction of the President. "I was the one that pushed for that deal with the Mayans. I knew there would be some kind of Niner blow back, but I never thought it would reach this far, go this way. "

"We all voted yes on that Mayan deal, nobody seen this comin'." Chibs spoke up, not wanting Clay to take the fall for something the table voted on.

"Yea, but it happened. So, how do we handle it?" Piney wanted revenege.

"The Niners are gonna be dealt with, but right now let's just walk through this, be there for Op."

"We help Op by settling the score. Track down Leroy and put a bullet in that niggers head." Piney saw the look exchanged between Clay and Jax. "What're lookin at him for? I'm the one talkin to you."

Jax knew they couldn't go to war right now. His brain was on overload with this shit and everything with Kendra. He wasn't sure he could handle any big decisions right now. He needed a breather, the club needed a breather.

"I know, brother. I know you're hurtin. Think you're tryin to help" Clay look Piney straight in the eye.

"Don't you tell me what I'm thinkin. You know if this happened in your family there'd be six charters halfway to Oakland."

"This did happen in my family." The guys couldn't do anything but look down, the tension in the room along with the hurt everyone felt was almost unbearable.

"NO IT DIDN'T." Piney raised his voice, shit was coming to a head now. "The Niners came gunning for my son, they killed my daughter-in-law. You got that, huh? You got that kind of hole in your family?" His anger was too much, he stood up and walked out of the room.

"Fuck." Jax muttered "I got it."

The old man was already on his bike getting ready to fire it up when he approached him. Half- sack witnessed the exchange as he got out of the tow truck, watching Piney take off.

"Hey prospect" Jax yelled to him as he mounted his own bike, pulling them helmet strap around his chin "keep an eye on the old man."

"Where's he going?"

"I don't know, that's why you're following him." He twisted the throttle and sped off the lot.

-Break-

I sat at the house repeating the night's prior events over and over in my mind, analyzing every word that was exchanged. Jax loved me, or so he said. Was it just a ploy to get me back into bed with him? He knew he never had to use that weapon against me before, why would he just pull it out of the arsenal now, especially after all these years of knowing my feelings for him.

I couldn't just let that be the determining factor in whether I went back to L.A. or not. Would I ever want to be thrown back into this life again? Look at Donna, she stood by Op through the hardest of times. His prospect days, club life, a stint in Chino and now she paid for it with her life.

I was born into this life, I knew nothing different. But knowing what those Opie's kids were going through right now made the decision for me. I had to get out of here.

The sound of his Harley pulling into the driveway erased all thoughts in my head. My nerves kicked into overdrive. I wasn't ready for this, I had no idea what I would say to him. "Thanks for the awesome fuck and telling me you love me, but I'm leaving. Oh and by the way I have a boyfriend." Fuck. This was a disaster.

The small knock on the door told me it was now or never. I couldn't run away from this. I grabbed the door handle and opened it to see a very solemn looking Jax standing in front of me.

No words were exchanged as I stepped aside, letting him pass through the doorway. I pulled out a chair at the dining room table and he followed suit.

"Last night" he started but I cut him off

"It was a hard night, Jax." I didn't want to admit that it was something I had been fantasizing about for years.

"I meant what I said, Ken. I'm sorry it took you leaving Charming for me to realize it, but I finally did. I do love you."

I felt rendered speechless. I hadn't the slightest clue what to respond with. This was what I wanted.

He must have noticed the blank expression on my face as he continued "I've done my dance with all those women" well this wasn't what I wanted to hear but I didn't stop him "it was a sad, lonely disconnect with all of them. But you, you were the only constant in my life. I never treated you the way you treated me, I never respected you like I should have. Last night, you being here after all that shit went down, you coming back because of my son was like a sign. I was handed a second chance and I'm not going to pass you up again."

I was stunned, to say the least. The pimp of SAMCRO was really sitting in front of me practically begging for a second chance with me. I had to come clean with him.

"Jackson, I need to tell you something." He grabbed my hand and suddenly I wished I could travel back to last night where none of this was a thought in my mind. I didn't know how to say this other than to just come right out with it. "I've been seeing someone in L.A."

His face dropped and he pulled back, letting our linked hands distance themselves.

"Are you going back?"

"I have a new life there. I have my own place and a great job. I finally have things together and I'm happy there. I'm just not sure coming back to Charming right now is the best thing."

This was heartbreaking. Everything I had ever wanted was sitting right in front of me and I was the one turning it down.

He pulled me into him and pressed his lips hard to mine. I could feel all the pain and anguish of the past 24 hours radiating from him. The kiss wasn't romantic, it was pleading. I felt like I held his heart in the palm of my hand.

After what felt like hours he separated our connection and without a word headed out the door.

-Later that afternoon-

I was supposed to be heading back to L.A. tonight for work bright and early tomorrow morning, but with Donna's funeral tomorrow I couldn't just up and leave. Even if I hadn't spoken to her in months, she was still a huge part of what was my life here in Charming. I made sure to call my boss and let him know what was going on. He was very understanding, for which I was grateful.

I hadn't heard from Brian since I left, which seemed strange since he usually at least sent me a quick text saying hello. I noticed a car pull in the driveway and park behind mine. I panicked for a second until I recognized the car. Shit, it was Brian. With no warning he just decided to show up here, this weekend just couldn't get any more fucked up. I ran out to greet him.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" He crossed the lawn, closing the space between us and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"Your sisters told me what happened when I asked them for the address here. I decided to surprise you, I figured this would be hard on you and I wanted to be here with you."

He was so sweet, I was such a bitch for dragging him into this whole mess. He laced his fingers with mine as he grabbed his bag off the back seat and followed me into the house.

We ordered a pizza and decided to stay in for the night. We would have a long drive back tomorrow after the funeral and Brian had just rode five hours in a car, all we wanted to do was relax.

"Donna was one of my good girlfriends growing up. I just can't believe she's dead."

"Her husband is in a gang?" I had explained a little bit about the club to him, but he couldn't comprehend it.

"They're a motorcycle club. They wear kuttes, not colors." I wasn't sure how to explain everything about SAMCRO to him without telling him things I shouldn't. He would just have to take what I gave him.

"Gotcha. And she was murdered?"

"Yea, they don't know who did it though. It was a drive-by." He just nodded.

"I'm glad you got out of this town." I didn't answer him, this was still my home and always would be.

I woke up in the morning feeling hungover, and I didn't even drink. The events were catching up with me. My dreams were haunted by Jax's words. I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing by leaving, but I knew if I didn't things would just go back to the same old rut I was always in.

I wasn't sure how I was going to explain Brain to Gemma, I was just grateful I was leaving before the interrogation could begin.

I showered, put some light make-up on and slipped into a knee length black sleeveless dress. I stepped into my black Loubiton pumps Brian had bought me a few weeks ago and pulled my hair into a low pony-tail.

Brian donned a dark grey shirt with a plum colored tie and black dress pants. It would be very strange to see a man there without a kutte on, especially showing up with me.

Just as we pulled up to the funeral I caught the eye of Gemma. Her eyes almost fell out of her head at the sight of Brian. She marched her way towards me and I tried to prep myself for her confrontation.

She pulled my by the arm to the side, away from Brian's overprotective ears "Who the hell is that?"

"That's Brian. He's my…" I paused, I wasn't ready to tell her he was my boyfriend "We've been seeing eachother."

"What the fuck is he doing here? You trying to get him killed?"

"Caroline and Liv told him what happened and where I was, I didn't invite him up here for this. And Jax already knows about him, I told him yesterday."

"So just like that you move on? Running back there when your family here needs you?"

As much as I loved Gemma like my own mother, she was ruthless sometimes and always aimed to get what she wanted. "Gemma, everything is fine here. There's nothing I could do anyways. My life is in L.A. now."

"Yea, tell that to him." She nodded her head in Jax's direction, who just showed up with blood on his lip.

It was then we both spotted her. Her long, raven colored hair flowed down the back of her black blouse. She made her way from the small, winding road that led into the cemetery over to Jax's position.

"That bitch. I told her not to come back here."

Gemma hated Tara as much as I did, but she was going to use this to her advantage. "What's it to you, sweetheart? Your life's in L.A. now. You're just like her, running away from this town."

A/N: P.S- So, Tara is making an appearance. Would love to hear what you guys think will happen next!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thank you to those who are my faithful readers and reviewers! It means so much to me! I really hope you are all still enjoying this story. Please let me know with reviews so I know whether to continue or not. This chapter, especially the end, is heavily inspired by the song "The High Road" by Three Days Grace. Which, actually, also inspired the story. If you haven't heard it, you should really check it out. As always I own nothing but my OC's.

Chapter 7: The High Road

I could feel my blood boiling just by looking at the furrowed brow that graced her expression. Why she looked so confused to see me I had no idea. She couldn't have known that I had left town, and she damn well knew that if she ever had the balls to show her face around this town again it might not leave as intact as it showed up.

Gemma was snickering behind me. As much as she hated Tara she knew this was all the ammunition she would need to manipulate the situation into her best interest, which was me staying behind in Charming and Jax and I riding off happily ever after. I hated to break it to her, but even with Tara here I was still leaving.

I tried to keep my voice quiet, this wasn't the time or the place to be making a scene. This should be about mourning Donna, not burying another Charming native. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

She looked at me as I stepped in between her and her destination, Jax. "Just here mourning the loss of a friend, same as everyone else. I got the news that she was killed, I'm allowed to come pay my last respects just like you."

She was such a sneaky bitch. She had ulterior motives and I was going to put the kibosh on them. "Don't you know you aren't welcome here? Or did you forget the one time warning you got from me when your ass ditched this town?"

I briefly heard she moved to Sacramento and became a doctor, just as she had predicted she would. She never fit into this life anyway, she would never hack it as an old lady. She wasn't trust worthy enough.

"I heard you left this town too. Guess you couldn't handle the fact that Jax never wanted you the way he wanted me. "

Fuck, if we weren't at a funeral I would knock that smug look off her face. My knuckles were itching to make contact with her jaw. It was all I could do to tame my twitching right hand. How could she have known I left? No one here that I stayed in contact with still spoke with her.

She must have noted the confusion on my face "Your boyfriend over there, Brian, well he and I met when I was at UCLA before my residency. Stayed friends and he told me about this wonderful girl he was seeing that happened to be from the same town I am. I had no idea you would come all the way back here for this though. Didn't know you and Donna were that close."

Son of a bitch. This bitch just wouldn't stay the fuck out of my way. She was just toying with me now. She knew all about my connection to Donna and the entire club for that matter. She just wanted me to hit her, she was practically begging for me to make a scene.

I lowered my voice and shoved my finger in her face, giving her one last warning. "You stay away from him, or else you won't leave this town in one piece this time. He's done with you, has been for years." I didn't know how much she knew about Jax so I decided to bait her a little. "By the way, I didn't come back for the funeral, I was at Jax's house for his son's homecoming party before this all happened."

I watched her face go from arrogant to what almost looked like fear in a matter of seconds. I would have went as far to tell her I was also there warming his bed with him, but with Brian within earshot I knew it wasn't the best idea.

I knew she wouldn't heed my advice, she was already continuing her march in his direction. It wasn't my problem now, I was leaving in a few hours. This would all be a distant memory.

….

His lip had dried blood stuck to the corner and his head was pounding. After going at it with Tig last night at the safe house he didn't make it home to clean up before the funeral. Shit was so fucked up around here, he just needed her.

Jax had spotted the raven haired devil walking across the well-manicured lawn and his insides cringed. What the hell was she doing here? Before he could answer himself he watched Kendra approach her.

He eyed the interaction between the two and knew it could get ugly. Kendra hated Tara with a passion and he was well aware of the threat she had made if Tara were to ever show her face in Charming again.

This was odd, the last time he witnessed these two in this position he was in love with Tara, who was leaving him. Now, as he watched, he realized he was in the same position he was ten years ago only now he loved the other dark haired girl. But the ending was the same.

It was then he noticed the suit standing nearby, witnessing the same interaction he was. He had no idea who this guy was, but he looked like an asshole. Donna barely knew anyone who didn't wear a kutte, so where did this guy fit in?

He watched the two girls part from each other and he thought his eyes would pop out of his head. This guy wrapped his arm around Kendra's waist, pulling her into his side. This had to be the guy she had told him about yesterday. After all he confessed to her, she had the balls to bring him here and parade him around in front of him.

Tara closed the gap between them quickly and Jax couldn't even think straight after what he had just seen. "Hey, Jax. Um, you think we could talk?"

"Where you staying?"

"My dad's house. I'm back cleaning it up, getting it ready to sell."

"Meet me there at 6."

…..

Gemma was pissed with me. She barely told me goodbye, and only gave me the "ass-out" hug. She was so angry she didn't get her way and now she was stuck with Tara back in Charming, alone. As much as I wanted to stay, pretend that everything was good and fairy taleish, I just couldn't. After years of being there for him, loving him, I needed more than one night of amazing sex and a confession.

I followed Brian back to L.A. and I was sort of happy to leave Charming, to have a place to retreat to away from all the bullshit. I had seen Tara and Jax and figured with her back in town it wouldn't matter if I stayed or not. I didn't think he ever got over her and he would just fall for her again, pushing me by the wayside. I did make a mental note of having to ask Brian about being friends with her. That was something I wasn't sure I could handle.

We walked through the front door of my apartment and I didn't even bother to put my bag away before plopping on the couch. This was one weekend I was ready to forget. Brian made his way next to me, sliding his hand on my thigh and rubbing small circles with his thumb.

I knew he was getting anxious. We hadn't gotten to the level yet. It was something I wasn't sure I was ready for with him. I knew I was kind of a whore when it came to Jax, all he had to do was look at me back then and my panties would drop. But with Brian I was trying something new. I wanted our relationship to be about more. I wanted to really get to know him and know he cared about me before I took that step.

Sure, I had sex with a couple other guys other than Jax, the two I dated when I wasn't pining over him or thinking I finally had a chance. I just wanted this time to be different with Brian. God, I thought to myself, how big of a hypocrite am I? Not having sex with my boyfriend but fucking Jax two days ago.

I decided to change the subject, for my own sake. "I didn't know you knew Tara." I could barely utter her name without it sounding like I was trying to suppress a gag.

"Yea, I can't believe I forgot to mention it to you. She did mention you two weren't very friendly so I didn't want to upset you. She never mentioned why you two didn't get along though. But, yes, we had a couple classes together and just stayed in contact."

I wasn't ready to share that with him either. He didn't need to divulge into the world of Jax right now, not after everything that just happened. "You talk to her a lot?"

I knew it shouldn't bother me, but it sort of did. I just couldn't seem to rid her from my life, even after leaving town.

"Some. Maybe every couple of weeks. She told me she was thinking about moving back to Charming though, thought she made a mistake leaving. I guess that's why she was back there, she never told me when she was heading back."

She was back to reel Jax in again. I couldn't worry about it, I had washed my hands of everything.

-BREAK-

Another month flew by and life was back to the way it should be. Well, everything except things with Brian. He was always all over me about moving in together. I wasn't ready for that, not even close.

We had finally have sex and to say it was mediocre would be making it sound good. There was nothing there, no sparks or fireworks. He wanted to move faster than I was willing and ready for so I ended it a few days ago. He begged and pleaded with me to reconsider, told me how much he loved me but I just couldn't tell him those words back. I needed space, I needed time. I wasn't in love with him. I liked him, a lot but I couldn't force myself to love him. He just wasn't it for me. I tried to tell him we could remain friends but he made it clear he was an all or nothing kind of guy.

I had only heard from Gemma a few times by text message. She made sure to let me know that Tara was still in town and had been asked to meet Abel. It sounded like her and Jax had picked up right where they had left off.

The front door opened, letting the warm California sun beam through the doorway for a second before a man walked through. Standing in front of me the first thing I couldn't help but notice was the life rune symbol that inked the base of his neck.

"Can I help you, sir?" His eyes darted around the office and I knew he had to be in the wrong place.

"Good afternoon," I noticed him glance down at the name tag that leaned up against the desk "Kendra. Could you tell me where the bathroom is?"

This guy gave me the creeps, but I had seen all kinds roaming the streets of L.A.

"I'm sorry, we don't have a public restroom. There is a Pink Berry right down the block, I'm sure they have one."

He nodded his head "Thank you, mam."

He left and I let out a slow breath, man that guy was weird. I glanced at the clock and saw it was time to go home. I was happy, a night of relaxing in sweats and pizza awaited me at home.

...

FRIENDS reruns were my favorite. No matter how many times I had seen a particular episode, I still laughed just as hard as I did the first time. It never got old.

It felt awesome to just relax alone. I could eat the whole pizza if I wanted to and not feel guilty about it. Well, maybe a little guilty, but I could always run it off. I could laugh as loud as I wanted to and not feel like a dork. There was just something about being alone that made me happy.

The infamous "Pivot" episode was on and I was laughing so loud I almost didn't hear the knock on the door. I muted to television to make sure I really did hear something and before I could un-mute it I heard the knock again.

I checked the peep hole and was stunned. I unlocked the dead bolt and saw his scruffy face standing in front of me.

"Jesus Christ, how did you know where I live?" It was rude not to let him in first, but I just couldn't believe he was actually here.

"Juice." How stupid could I be, of course it would be Juice who found me.

I stepped aside and motioned for him to come in. As he brushed past me the smell of the fresh air and tobacco was exhilarating. I had no idea what he was doing here, but it had to be something if he rode five hours and had Juice track me down. I looked to him for some sort of sign, but he just stood in front of me, blank.

"Everything ok?" He had me scared something was wrong. "Abel ok?"

"Yea, everything's fine. Abel is great." He didn't elaborate. I sat down on one of my bar stools and he followed suit.

This was awkward, I was waiting for an explanation and he was just sitting here. Before I could question him again he finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm here. I just got on my bike for a ride and ended up here."

"You went for a five hour ride and just decided to stop in for a visit? What's wrong, Jax? You can tell me." Something was off with him. He had never been able to keep things from me.

I slid my hand over his leg, grasping his fingers and intertwining them with mine. As much angst as I had towards him in the past because of my feelings for him, I still wanted to be there for him.

"You have to come home, Ken. I need you."

"What?" I couldn't think of any other words.

"I know you're with that douchebag, but I need you home. With me. I need you to straighten me out. You're the only person I could ever count on, besides Op, to keep me right side up. Losing you, twice, made me realize that I can't be without you."

I was on a roll, another confession in a matter of about a month.

"Shits been getting bad with Clay. I think he had something to do with Donna's death. I can't prove it yet, but we've been at each other."

"What about Tara? I heard she's been around, even wanted to meet Abel." If I was going to entertain any thought of ever being with Jax or going back to Charming I had to know that bitch was gone for good.

"She wanted to get back together, told me she made a mistake. I just couldn't do it. You're the only thing that's been on my mind."

I knew she wouldn't give up that easily.

"Kendra, listen to me" he must have noticed the doubt in my expressions as he grabbed both my hands "I'm begging you to come back home, be with me. I'll do whatever it takes to be the one you can't live without. Fuck, don't make me get down on my knees and grovel."

He knew he was that one mistake I couldn't live without, no matter how hard I tried.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry for the delay in updates. I've been busy with my 10 month old daughter, she definitely keeps me going. Hope everyone still hangs in this with me! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, favs and follows last chapter! This is kind of a short chapter but I had to cut it off there in order to set up the next one. Hopefully I won't take as long to post again. Please, leave me some love!

Chapter 8: You're the Love I Wanna Be In

I stared at him sitting in front of me, trying to go over the words that had just rolled off his lips. He wasn't giving up on me, on us. This was a side of Jax Teller that I had never witnessed before, not when it came to a relationship with someone other than Tara.

His eyes were begging me to say something. I could almost feel the apprehension radiating from his hands through his very sweaty palms that were still lying on top of mine. I had to answer him, give him some sort of response.

"Why now? After knowing how I felt about you for years, why do you just now think you want me the same way that I have always wanted you." There was no point in denying the feelings I've always had for him now, I had already looked like the desperate friend to him on more than once occasion. This time wouldn't change anything.

"I think I've always loved you, just in a different way. Shit with Tara was…crazy. It was that "I can't be without you or I'm going to die" kind of shit. With you, I never had to feel that way."

He paused. This was not the answer I was expecting. I must have looked like I was ready to punch him because he quickly continued.

"I mean I always knew you would be there for me. I never had to question your loyalty. You went out of your way for me, always made sure I was ok. I've always cared about you, I just always thought you would be around. When you left I felt like I was lost. I was a moody bitch and I knew it had to be because of you. I don't want to feel like that again. I want to know that you'll be by my side."

I wanted so badly to just scream "YES!" jump into his arms and lead him to the bed, but I knew I couldn't do that. I needed to take this slow, let him know that he had to work for it. I had seen how quickly he jumped into things with Wendy, I wasn't going to step into that role.

"Ok. On one condition…" he looked at me and his eyes were so hopeful I almost felt like I was dragging this out for no reason, but I had to stay strong. "We take this slow."

"Does that mean you'll move back to Charming?"

If I wanted this to work I knew I would have to give up my new life here. I would have to give my boss two weeks notice and try to sub-let my apartment since I just signed a new lease. "I'll move back, but I can't come back until after I give my boss two weeks. I also have to try to find someone to sub-let this place."

He nodded and that famous smirk graced his lips. It was contagious. He pulled my hands in his direction and I found myself standing between his legs. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I mocked him, wrapping mine around his neck.

"I love you, Kendra."

It felt so wonderful to finally be on the receiving end of that statement.

"I love you, too."

…

After a couple hours of watching TV together and eating more pizza, I led Jax to my bedroom. I was nervous. I knew what was about to happen and for the first time I was actually scared to take this step with him. There was more at stake now, more invested into this then just my unreciprocated feelings.

I slid my sweatpants off my freshly shaven legs, thank God I had taken that extra step in the shower tonight, and slipped into my queen size bed in my oversized t-shirt and black thong. I watched as Jax hung his kutte carefully on the back of my closet door, unbuckle his belt and drop his jeans in a pool around his ankles stepping out of them. He pulled his Reaper Crew t-shirt over his head and tossed it aside, climbing in the bed next to me in nothing but his white boxers. I knew those wouldn't be on much longer either.

I reached over and pulled the string on the lamp down, the black of night taking over the room. I could feel my heart racing as his hands ran along my leg, tracing a straight line right to the apex of my thighs. I rolled over to face him, my hands feeling the strength in his chest, outlining the letters that spelled out his son's name.

His hands jumped to the hem of my shirt and tugged, motioning for me to lift my arms and rid myself of it. I complied with his request and watched as he threw it across the bed. I had already freed myself of a bra earlier, making less work for him.

This wasn't the usual encounter we had shared in the past. This was slow and sensuous. Jax was making sure to touch and caress every part of my overly sensitive body. His breath on my neck sent chills down my spine before his lips made their way to mine.

He pushed his moist lips against me and groaned when I lightly tugged on his bottom lip with my teeth. I let my fingers roam down his strong body and they found themselves at the waistband of his boxers. It took me a second to gain some courage before I slid one hand inside and was met with his very anxious member.

His underwear were getting in the way of what I really wanted to do. I grabbed each side and slipped them down his legs. I positioned myself in between him and placed gentle kisses down his torso, lightly nipping at his hot skin every now and then. His fingers went to my hair and found themselves tangled in it, pulling at the roots.

My lips reached their destination and I took a deep breath. This was uncharted territory for us, we never pleasured each other orally. It was always strictly sex, but this time it was different. I wanted to make Jax feel good.

I started at the base and ran my tongue up his length, making sure to let my eyes meet his in the process. The look on his face was one I would keep logged in my memory. I braced myself with my hands on each side of his hips and slowly lowered my mouth onto him. When I reached his base I wrapped my lips tightly around him and sucked in while torturously moving back up.

I continued this motion for a couple of minutes, bobbing up and down, swirling my tongue around his tip when I needed to take a breath. I felt him tug on my hair, grabbing my wrists and pulling my mouth up to meet his. "Fuck, babe. I won't last much longer if you keep that up." He pressed his mouth hard against mine. "If I had known you were that good, we would have been doing that long ago."

In one swift motion he flipped both of us over and he hovered above me. I still had my thong on but he made sure to get rid of it as fast as he could. I was ready for him, I couldn't wait much longer. His hand traveled in between us and before I knew it I felt two of his fingers enter me. I gasped at the feeling. His thumb reached my clit and he made lazy circles with it while pumping in and out.

"You sure you want this, Ken?" He was messing with me, he could tell I wanted this and wanted it now.

"Jesus Christ, don't toy with me Jax. I need you."

He lowered his head and sucked my pert nipple into his mouth, biting and sucking at it. My body was in overdrive, I needed to feel him inside me soon or I was going to explode.

He lined himself up with my entrance and pushed against it, slowly teasing me. Our eyes met and I felt almost foolish. I loved this man so much it was sickening.

It was like he read my mind "I love you." He whispered into my mouth before devouring my lips with his. I felt him push inside me at the same time and the feeling was euphoric.

He filled me fully. He stilled himself above me, getting us both used to it before he began rocking his hips. I reached up and grabbed a fistful of his blonde hair while our lips danced together.

His pace quickened and I knew I wouldn't last long. He could tell I was close, my breathing was picking up. His hand went in between us and met my bundle of nerves. He pinched and flicked at it, pounding incessantly away inside of me. I couldn't hold back anymore. The waves of pleasure overtook me.

I arched my back into him as I felt my body quake. My muscles involuntarily clenched around him and it was all he needed to follow me over the edge. I started to come back down from my high with Jax still buried inside me. "I love you too, Jackson."

He gave me a sweet kiss and rolled over, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into him. I knew I wouldn't be able to just take things slow after that.

-BREAK-

It had been two weeks since Jax begged me to move back to Charming and be with him. He hadn't declared me as his Old Lady yet, but I wasn't quite ready for that step either. We needed to know what it was like to be with each other before we took that leap.

I finished up my last day of work, knowing the moving truck would be meeting me at the apartment in less than an hour. Jax had promised he would come down to help me finish things and follow me back to Charming but I knew it was a long shot these days. He had filled me in on what was happening around town. Some guy named Ethan Zobelle had made his way into town and threatened the club. With this asshole breathing down their necks they had to be extra careful with the gun business.

I told my co-workers goodbye and headed out the front door into the pouring rain. "Just my fucking luck." I mumbled as I tried to cover my head and make a mad dash for the parking lot.

I noticed a man scouring the lot, looking like he was lost. He started to approach me and I felt my pulse quicken. I recognized that tattoo, this was the same creeper that had come into the office the day Jax had come down here two weeks ago. I tried not to make eye contact but it didn't matter, he still tried to speak to me.

"Excuse me, Kendra right?"

"Uh.. yeah."

"You wouldn't happen to know where I could find a pay phone, would you?"

I knew this was a ploy to talk to me, I reached into my purse with my right hand and ran my fingers along the switchblade I learned to carry with me after my parents died. There was a phone right around the corner, the same direction he had already come from.

"Right back the way you came, there's one right at the corner."

"Thank you, mam. Have a nice day. Hope your move goes smoothly."

What the fuck? How did he know I was moving? I just nodded and jumped into my car as fast as I could, peeling out of the lot and racing towards my apartment praying that Jax was already there. I just needed to get back to Charming as soon as possible.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Sorry for the long delay! Life has been keeping me busy. I'm a little worried you guys aren't liking this any longer. I only got one review last chapter from my faithful reader/reviewer- shoutout to the awesome ericzmic! If you guys really are still enjoying this, please let me know, I would really appreciate it! Thank you to everyone who did read, follow and fav. I just need a little encouragement to continue, if you so please!

Chapter 9:

Much to my dismay, Jax wasn't at my apartment yet, but he had sent a prospect down ahead of him who was currently supervising the moving crew as they started to load my boxes. Half-sack, who I only had met a few times since he started prospecting, informed me that Jax should be here shortly. That was the only explanation I would get, for now.

I was scared, to say the least. That guy totally freaked me the hell out. How would he know I was moving? I had only seen him once before. I wasn't sure if I should tell Jax or not. He was probably just some L.A. street bum who kept tabs on the goings on of his surroundings. I mean what else did he have to do. I was leaving this city anyways, there was no need to bring shit into the mix that wouldn't matter in a few hours.

"I can't believe you're already leaving." I heard Caroline's voice coming from the entryway and I quickly tried to disguise my nervousness. I was glad both her and Liv had at least come to say goodbye. They weren't my biggest fans as of late and I was worried they would write off our relationship all together.

"I guess Charming is just where I'm meant to be." I looked around and sighed. As much as I had tried to convince myself I needed to get out of that town, it was really the only place that suited me. I loved L.A., the big city vibe, getting anywhere I wanted to fast, the people you passed on the street were just strangers not knowing any of your business. But Charming was familiar and quaint, in its own weird way.

I could still sense the tension between the three of us. They were pissed with me, but it's my life and they had to understand that. "You guys could come back and visit. Gemma would love to see you I'm sure, it's been a long time."

"Yeah, maybe." Liv shrugged. The two of them shot a look at each other and I could tell that probably wasn't even an option, the two of them got out of there before their diplomas went cold in their hands.

The room went silent and I was suddenly aware that unless I made the effort to continue the closeness and connection with my sisters that it would probably disappear as quick as my exhaust smoke when I pulled out of this place.

I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off by Jax's voice coming from the walk way. My body tensed and I started to panic. I knew how both Liv and Caroline felt about Jax and they were about to come face to face for the first time in a couple years. "Shit" I mumbled.

When he walked through the front door he shot me a crooked smile and I couldn't help but lighten up.

"Hey babe." He made it over to me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me in for a small kiss.

"Hi Liv, Caroline. How ya been?" He tried to patch over the situation and I felt pretty awkward. I had no idea what they would say to him.

It was pretty clear they weren't each other's biggest fans since the three had their last encounter. I had come home pissed off and pretty drunk, shouting about Jax flaunting his latest piece of ass in my face after I had told him how I felt about him. A few hours later Jax showed up at the door and Caroline answered it. She was always the spitfire of the family, never one to back down from anyone- man or woman. He tried to barge his way in the house to see me but she pushed him out, letting him know exactly how she felt about him. I had been in my room and didn't exactly hear everything that was said, all I know is there were some pretty harsh words exchanged and ever since they haven't been able to mutter more than a hello to each other.

Liv tried to stay out of everything as much as possible. She was the meekest of the three of us. Given the now, I was kind of glad for that trait.

"Good. See you finally got your way in dragging Kendra back to that cest pool." I shook my head at Caroline's response to Jax. I should've known she couldn't just be cordial.

"Alright, alright. I think everything's packed. I should probably get going before it gets too dark." I cut off the impending explosion. It wasn't how I wanted to leave my sisters but if I didn't leave now, it would turn into a war of words.

I turned and hugged Liv first. I felt her pull me close to her and squeeze a little tighter than normal. It was like she didn't want to let go.

I pulled back and looked in her face, giving her a smile to reassure her that this was what I wanted.

I moved on to Caroline and wrapped my arms around her. She hugged back, but not with much enthusiasm. I held tight for a second before letting go and giving her a small nod.

"Ready?" Jax grabbed my hand and I nodded. I let everyone else out the door ahead of me and took one last look around. Although I wasn't here very long, a lot had happened in between these walls.

-Break-

I had only been back a few days, but already settled back into my house pretty easily. I was kind of put out that Jax didn't fight me on not wanting to move in with him. Not that I wanted to, I really wanted to make sure this was going to work and not just because he was lonely and had already made his way through the line of skanks waiting for him. Still, a part of me wanted him to push a little harder.

I was determined to find a different job other than working back at T-M. I loved Gemma and definitely enjoyed seeing Jax while I was there, but I needed to make sure I didn't fall back into the same routine that made me want to get out of this place. I scoured the paper looking for anything that I would be qualified for and would keep me somewhat happy. I wasn't having much luck, I had forgotten how small this town actually was.

"It's good to have you back, sweetheart. He was lost without you." Gemma nodded towards the garage, where Jax was deep in conversation with Bobby.

I nodded and shot her a shy smile. It was strange to hear how Jax acted without me around, to be on the receiving end of his feelings for once.

"So, you can start back here whenever you're ready, I could use the help again. The testosterone around here is enough to make my vagina shrivel." She always did have a way with words.

"Actually, I was gonna try and find something else. I don't want to fall back into the same shit that pushed me away. I think I need to branch out a bit."

I braced myself for an argument, to hear "this is where you belong" or "you're family, you should be here."

"Whatever you think's best."

I couldn't believe she wasn't going to fight me on this. Things around here had sure changed if Gemma was being easy going. I knew this was a ploy.

"Does Jax know that?" And there it was.

"No, but he isn't my old man or my boss. I'm free to work wherever I want. I do have bills to pay and a house to take care of."

"Ok, baby." This wasn't over, not by a long shot.

Before I could say another word Jax came into the office.

"Hey, Ma."

"Hey, babe." He leaned in and graced my cheek with his soft lips. "I got something I gotta do tonight, but I'll stop by your place afterwards?"

I felt bad, he had been spending a lot of time at my place and not nearly enough time home with Abel, leaving Gemma or Nita to care for him.

"That's ok, why don't you call me when you're home and I'll come over to your place."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, give Gemma a break for one night."

"Alright, I'll catch ya later then." With one hand grasping my left hip he quickly kissed me on the lips and was gone just as quickly as he had blown in here.

"That sure looks like you being his old lady to me." I knew I wouldn't be able to escape with a comment from her.

"I don't have a crow, I'm not anyone's old lady, yet."

I didn't feel like filling her in on the details of our so-called relationship. I didn't really know what to say. We weren't officially anything, we were just together and knew we loved each other. Jax was keeping up with my request to take things slow and it felt nice knowing I was the one in control.

"I'll see ya later, Gem." I made my way to my car and headed off the lot, with more job hunting in mind.

-Break-

I had decided after a long day of job searching and coming up empty-handed that I would relax with a warm bath and then make my way over to Jax's, relieve Nita early and take care of Abel while I waited for him to come home.

Nita had informed me that he was just about due for a bottle and after that he would need to be put to bed. I assured her I could handle it and she happily left early to spend a night with her own family.

After about an hour Abel fussed a bit from his vibrating chair on the floor in front of the couch. "You ready for your bottle, little man?"

I hurried to the kitchen before it turned into a full blown cry and ran some hot water over the already prepped bottle. Once it was up to temperature I picked him up and found a comfy spot in the arm chair.

"There ya go, baby."

I stared into his beautiful, already bright blue eyes, and couldn't see anything but Jax. This little guy was a miracle and I hoped Jax thanked God every day for him, I know I would if he were mine and had made it through what he had.

&#&#&#

Jax headed into his house, knowing Kendra was already there since he parked next to her car in the driveway. It felt nice knowing that she was there when he got home after a long night of club business.

He wanted her to be there all the time, move in with him and be his old lady, but he knew she said she wanted to move slowly. He didn't want to jeopardize anything, he had already lost her once. He just wasn't sure how long this slow thing would fly with him. There was no need to dance around each other, to go through all the bullshit. They had been around each other, known each other for years, it only made sense for her to be his old lady right away. He already knew he loved her, what else was left?

When he opened the door the picture before him was something he definitely wasn't expecting. Kendra was upright in the armchair, holding Abel against her chest, both of them sound asleep. He stood in the doorway for a second, taking it all in. He wanted to remember this sight.

Just as he made his way over to her she started to wake up. Her eyes slowly opened and fixated on him, standing over her.

"Hi." He whispered trying not to wake Abel.

"Hi. Sorry, I must have dozed off while burping him. I meant to put him down." She moved to stand up, carefully.

"It's ok. I'll take him." Jax grabbed the sleeping baby and quietly made his way to his room, laying him in crib and tip-toeing out, shutting the door behind him.

She was still in the chair when he came back out to the living room, trying hard to wipe the sleepiness from her eyes.

"Everything go ok tonight?" She had no idea where he had gone, but always made it a point to make sure everything was ok.

"Yea, we had a meeting with the Niners about a sale. I told you how that asshole Zobelle threated us, well I guess he came hard at the Niners too. They wanted to make sure our deals weren't affected in any way." He didn't mind sharing club business with her, he trusted her. She had grown up in this life, lost her parents because of it. He knew she was SAMCRO through and through.

It was obvious she was still tired, she just nodded in response to him trying desperately to keep her eyes open.

"What did you do after you left the garage?" He grabbed her hand and pulled her over to the couch with him.

"Went looking for a job, no luck though."

"You're not coming back to T-M?" He questioned, a little annoyed. He had just assumed everything would go back to the way it was.

"I don't think so, I need something new."

He was getting very annoyed now, but he didn't want to push his luck. He decided to just let it go for now. He would find a way to make his point to her.

"C'mon," she grabbed his hand "let's go to bed."

That was one request he was very happy to oblige. He followed behind her, lacing his hands with hers. He couldn't wait to lay down and feel her skin pressed against his.

&#&#&#&#&#&#

"She's back in Charming, and it seems she's already shacking up with Teller. She still has her house though. Been keeping a tail on her."

The tattooed man reported to his so-called leader, knowing they would have an opportunity to strike soon.

"Good, give it a couple more days and then we'll make our move. They didn't want to listen to us before, this message we send will make them cower."

"Yes, sir."

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this. I know it's a lot of just "blah" stuff but I'm trying to segway into a lot of drama that's coming up. Please, if you are still reading this and liking it, leave me a review. I would really appreciate it!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Thank you everyone for all the reads, favs and follows so far. Special thanks to ericzmic, HGRHfan35, Hannah and Guest for your reviews. They keep me going, even at this slow pace! Life has been keeping me very busy with a full-time job and an 11 month old at home so thank you so much to those who have and continue to stick with me. Without further ado…..

Chapter 10: Cowboys and Angels

It had been two weeks and things were going great since being back in Charming, really great actually. In all honesty, I was getting a little sick of this moving slowly thing with Jax, even if it was my damn idea. We spent all of our free time together, and most nights I slept at his house. If we weren't there, which I really thought he should be there spending time with Abel, we were at my house. Things were different this time, I was no longer the best friend pining after Jax on the inside, and so far he wasn't the man whore he had been. But I knew that any second something could go wrong. I was fully invested in this man and I knew that if anything were to happen it would be me that suffered the collateral damage, no one else.

Tara was still around town, I had seen her from time to time cruise by Jax's house in her dad's old cutlass. She thought she was being so coy, but I know it killed her to see my car in the driveway every single time. I knew she probably wasn't going to give Jax up that easily, I fully expected shit from her at any given second.

Gemma had been on my ass about getting Jax's crow. I tried informing her that we hadn't even made it official yet, but in true Gemma fashion, she was having none of that. I was thinking more and more about it myself, becoming Jax's old lady. It was sort of a scary thought but one that I was sort of anxious for. I was finally getting everything I had wanted, but I was still a little apprehensive about it. All the rules that went along with being an old lady, I was very familiar with them. Gemma had shared every dirty detail with me when I was 16, and it scared the shit out of me.

But I thought about my life without him and where I would be. I knew that no matter what, Jax would always be the one man I couldn't be without. I was ready to take the next step, moving in together and being permanently marked with Jax's ink, but I knew I needed to let him bring it up. I damn sure wasn't going to be the one driving this train. I wanted to make sure he was really ready for it.

*&%$*(&^*)**)(&^%

I rolled out of bed and headed for my bathroom, leaving a sleeping, naked man lying there looking very lonely. I hated to untwist myself from his embrace, but I knew if I didn't it would just be another day of being jobless and feeling lazy.

I twisted the shower knob and waited until I felt the warm water flowing to climb in. I ran my hands through my hair, feeling it dampen with every stroke. My thoughts bounced around trying to think of any place that I could find a job, even if it was part-time. I knew I could always break down and go back to T-M. There was nothing wrong with working there, it was a good gig. I loved everyone there, including Gemma most of the time, they really were my family. I just felt like I needed to branch out and find something different.

My thoughts were rattled when I heard the shower door behind me open and then quickly shut. I smirked to myself as I felt him wrap his arms around my torso, his fingertips grazing my across my stomach before making their way down to the apex of my thighs. He was insatiable, but it was something I was definitely getting used to and building up stamina to keep up with.

His soft lips were hot as they pressed against my sweet spot between my shoulder and neck. He always knew the places to touch to get me going, not that he had to try very hard. His fingers continued their descent south until they reached their destination. I felt a finger enter me and I tried to steady myself against him. He pumped in and out a minute before sliding another finger in. I inhaled sharply as his other hand went to work on the bundle of nerves mere inches from where he was already working me. I licked my lips and enjoyed the sensation for a few minutes, loving that he wasn't that selfish man who always made sex about himself.

I couldn't make out any words, all I could do was moan as I felt the heat starting to flush my cheeks and the excitement ball up in my lower stomach. The water pelting me was adding to the feeling. My hands went to his strong forearms and I gripped them as I knew my release was coming closer and closer. Just as I felt like I was going to lose control, he stopped.

"I want to be inside of you when you cum for me." If words could make me lose it, that would have been it for me.

I spun around and pressed my lips to his, sliding my tongue inside his waiting mouth and kissing him hard. I pulled away, tugging his bottom lip in between my teeth, letting him know that I needed him now. He was fully ready to go as he pressed my up against the shower wall, the water pounding on his back now. He nudged my legs apart and ran his hand down my side, coming to a rest on my hip.

He stared into my eyes and at the moment I knew that I was right where I was supposed to be. My heart felt like it was going to leap right out of my chest.

He ran his very erect member along my pulsing slit and paused a second before pushing into me. The feeling of him filling me so fully made me sigh. It was something I definitely longed for. He began moving slowly, but I knew I wouldn't be able to handle this pace. I reached around his body and gripped two handfuls of his creamy white flesh, trying my hardest to set a quicker pace.

"If ya wanted it rough babe, you just had to say the word." He knew sometimes I liked to play around, and at this moment I just wanted him to stop messing around and fuck me.

Quicker than I could even comprehend he had pulled out, spun me around and bent me over. His calloused hands went to my hips and he entered me in one long push. My hands rested on the wall as he started to pound in and out of my core.

I knew it wouldn't be long for either of us, all this messing around had built us both up and now it was about releasing that. I could feel that familiar heat building again and hoped that it wouldn't all hit me at once. I was wrong, I knew I wouldn't be able to hold out the second I felt his right hand snake around my body and come to rest on my throbbing nub.

The rush of bliss hit me and I did all I could to brace myself against the wall. "Fuck!" was all I could muster out.

My clenching walls must have been too much for him to hold off as I felt him stiffen behind me and grip my hips even harder. He pumped into me a couple more times as he emptied himself. We both remained in our positions, trying to regain ourselves.

He slid out of me and I stood up and turned around to face him. He reached his hands up, tangling them in my hair, drawing me closer to him. His lips went to mine and I felt nothing but love and passion radiate from him.

"I love you." He whispered after pulling away.

I was still a little out of breath and those words still had a way of rendering me speechless each time. I wrapped my arms around his waist. "I love you."

I hoped every morning would start this good from now on.

*&*&^&%^^*

Jax was getting ready to head to the garage after having a sip of his coffee, informing me he would probably be at CaraCara most of the day. I hated that they got involved in that porn factory, hated even more that it was Jax's idea. I knew how crow-eaters operated, now they would be porn crow-eaters. Just what I need, these busty bitches thinking he is a free dick.

He tried to reassure me that nothing would happen, it was just business and a promise he made to Otto in order to help Luann out. I still didn't trust them, I had no reason to. And they had no reason to stay away. They knew we were together, but they also knew I wasn't his old lady.

"I'll see you tonight, got something I need to talk to you about." His voice was monotone and in a way worried me.

"Ok. I'm going to head out and keep looking for a job. I might swing by the garage later, you gonna be out there all day?" I hoped he wasn't spending all his time with those whores.

"Nah, not all day. Maybe I'll see ya at the garage."

He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, slipped his kutte on and headed out the door. I heard the rumble of his bike start up and rip out of the driveway.

I threw on a pair of black dress pants and a sleeveless, white blouse. I left my hair down and touched up my make-up before slipping on a pair of black heels and grabbing my car keys. I knew I had to look somewhat decent if I was going to walk in someplace and ask for a job.

I headed into town, riding down main street, scouring left and right for anywhere that I hadn't tried yet. All I knew was there was one shop I was told to stay away from, Zobelle's cigar shop. I wasn't sure exactly who Ethan Zoebelle was, all I knew was he had threatened the club.

I felt hopeless, I had tried every place along the way and not one place was looking for help. I knew I would have to go back to T-M. I headed back to the small lot on the corner where I left my car in order to make my way along each shop. I felt a bit defeated but knew I was lucky to at least have something to fall back on.

I decided to head back to the garage and let Gemma know she got her way, that I would be coming back. I pulled out onto the street and pointed my car in the direction of T-M. As I passed through I noticed a man in a white dress shirt, buttoned all the way, with no tie and a pair of some type of cargo pants.

My breath hitched in my throat when I saw him turn his face in my direction. It was the same man from L.A. The one who came in the record company and then was waiting for me outside the day I moved back.

He nodded his head at me and flashed a crooked smile. I knew there was no way this was a coincidence. I suddenly felt very sick to my stomach and knew something was not right.

%$%$*&*^*^

"She's alone, sir. Best time to get to her is during the day when Teller isn't around." The man stepped foot into the store and let his superior know.

"It's risky taking her during the day. We'll have to formulate a plan that will allow her to come to us willingly."

The two men nodded and started thinking of how they would plot this. Sending this message to the Sons of Anarchy was necessary, and using the VP's woman would be the only way to do it. They knew he was a passionate man about people who are close to him. He would have no choice but to comply after this.

&**^&&(&&^&*(&^$$*(*(*^

Jax paced through CaraCara, thinking of a way to make this more profitable for SAMCRO. He wanted to show Clay and the rest of the club that this could be there way of earning more legit. He didn't want to end up in prison and every day he had a gun run to do he put himself at risk for leaving Kendra alone.

He thought about her, waking up next to her every morning since she had moved back. It was something he had become accustomed to and was sure he never wanted to be without it. He loved her and honestly felt like shit when he thought about all the years he had treated her like shit. She honestly was his best friend, aside from Opie of course, and he knew he didn't want to lose her.

He had planned to talk to her tonight and ask her to move in with him. It was the sensible option. She was already over at his house 99% of the time and the way she interacted with Abel as if he were her own just made it that much better. He figured she would fight him on it. She loved her house, and he knew it was a part of her parents that she wasn't ready to part with. But he wanted her with him, needed her there so he could protect her and treat her like his old lady.

That was another thing he was going to talk to her about. He was ready to make her his old lady. Enough of this taking it slow bullshit. They had been best friends for 14 years, it wasn't like she was some girl he just met. He had already set it up with Happy to have her tattooed whenever he said the word.

Gemma had been on his ass about the whole thing. He knew Kendra had told her she wasn't his old lady and that had sent his mother on a rampage. He wasn't just doing it for her though, he loved his mother but wouldn't do things just because she wanted him to and she damn well knew that. He truly wanted to end this masquerade and take her as his, mark her as his property. She had always been his, it was time to make it official.

His burner chimed from his pocket and he came out of his thoughts and back into reality, the cum factory. The quicker he could get this day over with, the better.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I've found a bit more motivation for this story, as well as some free time to write, so I figured I might as well continue while I'm on a roll. Thank you, as usual, to everyone who reads this, favorites and follows. Special shoutout to Hanna West, HGRHfan35 and ericzmic again for your wonderful reviews! Love hearing from you guys! Please, keep up the love!

Chapter 11. If You Only Knew

I knew I had to tell Jax about the tattooed man, it was no longer a fluke that I was running into him. I had brushed it off in L.A. but now that I spotted him in Charming, and to top it off he recognized me, it was necessary. I knew the safest place for me right now would be at the garage. There would be too many people there, especially club members, for something to happen.

I stepped out of my car and headed to the office, my eyes roaming the lot for Jax. I didn't spot him, or his bike in the row of Dyna's and Street Glides and silently cursed. I was sure he was still hanging with the whores, another thing to add to my nerves today. For the day starting out so great, it sure was turning to shit in a hurry.

"Hey Gem." I walked through the door and plopped down on the old couch in the small office.

"Hey. Find a new and exciting job yet?" She would start right out with her shit. It was never ending with her and right now I wasn't in the mood for it.

"No, I didn't." I said with a bit more attitude then intended. She picked up on it right away.

"Sorry to hear that." Now she was just being snarky.

"I came to tell you that I'll be coming back here. No one is hiring so you're my last option."

She raised one eyebrow at me before responding "What if I'm not offering that anymore."

"Cut the shit, Gemma. I'm really not in the mood. I know this is exactly what you want and I'm giving it to you. I will be back to start tomorrow."

Her face was stoic. "Have you shared that bit of information with Jax?"

I rubbed my temples. I just wanted to go lay down, this day was getting worse by the second.

"Not yet, haven't seen him since this morning. Have you heard from him?"

"Not since he checked in here before riding out to babysit the movie stars. Everything ok?"

I wasn't going to clue Gemma in on the situation, not before I told Jax. I knew she would make a bigger deal about it than it probably was. And she would call Jax right away, something I didn't want to happen. I didn't want him to think I was pulling him away from club business, even if it was from something I despised him being a part of.

"Yea, everything's fine. He just said this morning he wanted to talk to me and I wasn't sure if he was around yet."

Before she could answer Tig barged into the office.

"Ladies, no need to stop talking about me just because I'm here. There's enough of me to go around." Gemma rolled her eyes at him.

I loved Tig, he was one of my father's closest friends. He was always looking out for me and my sisters for as long as I can remember. His constant references to his sexual "issues" as I call them did put me off a little, but I had come to accept that was just him.

"You see Jax today?" I figured he had probably talked to him at least once today.

I could feel Gemma's eyes boring a hole into my skull. I knew the minute Tig left this room she would play 21 questions, but I needed to talk to him sooner rather than later.

"Sorry, doll. Not lately. Chibs talked to him a few hours ago, said he was headed back soon though."

I nodded at him and shrugged my shoulders. I didn't want to hang out here all afternoon, waiting for him like some psychotic girlfriend. I knew he would automatically think I was checking up on him.

"Here's the repo list." Gemma handed him the list and he headed back out to the garage.

"Why do you need Jax so bad?" She got right to the point, not that I didn't think she wouldn't.

"Just want to let him know that I will be at his house when he gets home. Think you can pass along that message? I'm gonna get going."

She made a move towards me and I knew this wasn't over. No one other than Gemma could have the last word in any conversation.

"If you have something to share, or something's wrong, you should really fill me in. It's not good to keep secrets, darlin'."

I genuinely felt bad not telling her. She had always been the one I confided in, but I knew I couldn't tell her before I filled Jax in.

"It's nothing. Really. I just wanted to know if he was leaving CaraCara anytime soon, that's all."

"Ok, if you say so."

"Just let him know that I'm at his house, will ya?"

She nodded and with that I decided to head out. I just hoped he would be home soon.

*&%*&%&*%^*&*

Neeta told me she would stay a little while longer so that I could lay down. I told her I had a headache and just needed a couple hours to rest. She was the best nanny anyone could ask for, especially with the demands Jax and Gemma needed met.

Before I got up I heard his bike coming down the street. I felt my body involuntarily relax. I don't think I had ever been happier to hear that sound.

I rolled off the bed and headed out to the living room. Abel was down for a nap and I was ready to get this talk out of the way before we were interrupted any more.

"You are free, Neeta." I opened the front door and swung my arm in an ushering out motion while I chuckled. "Thank you so much for staying so I could rest."

"It's no problem, Miss Kendra. I will see you in the morning, yes?" Neeta smirked and I couldn't help but blush.

"Goodnight, Neeta."

Jax crossed paths with her on his way in and gave a quick hello to her, thanking her for her days work. I waited in the doorway for him, feeling nostalgic as he came inside. Like a house wife greeting her hard working husband at the end of the day.

"Hey." He leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"Hey." I followed him into the living room. I sat down on the couch, not sure of what to say. I felt myself getting ready to blurt it all out when he spoke first.

"Everything alright? Gemma said you were lookin' for me."

This was my chance to fill him in.

"I just wanted to let you know I would be here instead of my house." I was a chicken shit. I don't know why I was so afraid to tell him, it wasn't like I had done anything wrong.

"You hungry? I was gonna make us some meatloaf." I stood and tried to make my way to the kitchen but was stopped by his hand wrapping around my wrist and pulling me into his lap.

"In a minute. I want to talk to you about something." He rested his hand on my thigh and without realizing it I was holding my breath.

"Ok." I wasn't sure what else to say other than that. I had a feeling this was the talk I had been thinking about too.

"I think you should move in with me. You're always here, you're great with Abel and we're together all the time. It just makes sense." There was nothing sly about Jackson Teller, he was always right to the point.

To say I was shocked would be a lie. I knew it was coming sooner or later, and lately I had been crossing my fingers for sooner. I had wanted to move slowly, but once I got back here and was with Jax as much as I could be it was something I realized I was ready for.

"Ok." I smiled at his expression, it was like he expected me to put up more of an argument. "But I'm not ready to give up my house."

"Whatever you wanna do, babe." He grabbed my hand, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing my knuckles.

"There's one more thing," I furrowed my brow, I wasn't sure he was really going to take two serious steps in one day "Happy's ready to put my crow on you."

"What do you mean?" I knew what he was saying but I wanted to hear him actually say it to make sure it was real. This was it, Jax Teller was going to take me as his old lady.

"I want you as my Old Lady. I want you to wear my crow and I want everyone to know you're mine. I want you to be mine, permanently."

I wasn't sure what to say, so I did the only thing I knew would tell him the answer. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and placed my lips against his, letting them linger a little longer than usual, giving him all the answer he needed.

"I'll let Happy know you're ready for him. We can do it tomorrow." He smiled and I knew this was something he really wanted. I don't think I've ever felt happier than I had in this moment.

That all came crashing down when I remembered what I had to tell him.

"Jax, I have to tell you something." His face dropped and I knew this was a mood killer.

When he didn't answer me I knew that was my cue to continue with what I had to share.

"When I was in L.A. there was this guy, he came into the record company once and was acting really weird. He asked me if he could use the bathroom and I told him no. It was like he only came in to speak to me. He said my name and everything, which wasn't too random because it was on a nameplate on the desk. I didn't think much of it, there's a lot of weird people in the city. But then, the day I was moving back here I came across him in the parking lot. He remembered my name and mentioned something about me moving. It was very weird."

He cut me off "Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?" I could see the anger growing in his eyes and knew that it was only going to get worse from here.

"I didn't think it was anything. There's a lot of homeless guys in L.A., I just figured I lived and worked in the territory he frequented. Anyways, earlier today while I was leaving town I saw him walking down Main Street. He spotted me and I know he recognized me. He smiled at me before heading into that new cigar store."

I could feel his hands trembling in mine and knew something was really wrong.

"What did he look like?"

"He had greyish, short hair. A tattoo on the base of his neck that I could never forget. He was around your height, he had on cargo pants and army type boots with a white button up shirt."

"Fuck. It's Weston. One of Zoebel's guys." He nudged me off his lap and stood up, pacing the living room. "Did you talk to him at all?"

"No, only told him where he could use a bathroom back in L.A."

"I don't know how he would know you're tied to the club, you weren't even around when they rode into town."

I shook my head. "It's probably nothing."

"No, this isn't just nothing. First Zoebel threatens us and now he's got his men stalking you."

He ripped his burner out of his pocket, flipped it open and started to dial.

"Yea, we got an issue. Meet at the clubhouse in the morning." He hung up without another word.

"You don't go anywhere without me or a prospect with you at all times."

"Well, I also was going to tell you that I'm coming back to work at T-M."

"Good, the closer you are the better. I don't know what this asshole Weston is up to, but you are not to be alone at any time, understand?"

I felt like a child bring grounded. I could handle myself, my dad taught me well in the short time that I had him around. I wasn't some damsel in distress that needed her old man to keep an eye on her and rescue her from trouble. But I knew well enough not to fight him on this, when Jax set his mind to something there was absolutely no changing it.

"Ok." I nodded and headed into the kitchen to start dinner.

&%^&*&$%$#$#

I walked into the office at the garage to a smiling Gemma. Fuck, it was too early for this already. I knew that she knew what had gone down last night, I just wondered if she knew about EVERYTHING.

" Mornin, sunshine." The tone of her voice just made me want to punch her. I loved Gemma, she had done more for me than anyone ever could or probably would, but sometimes I just really wanted to hit her.

"Morning." I mumbled. I was exhausted. After dinner and putting Abel down for the night, Jax kept me awake "celebrating" our newly termed status. My mind just wouldn't rest after that, constantly going over the sight of Weston and how he could even know who I was or my ties to SAMCRO.

"Heard the news. Guess you running away really changed his mind."

"I didn't run away, Gemma. I didn't do that just so he would make me his old lady." I wasn't getting into this. "What do you want me to start with this morning?"

"Got some invoices here that are ready, you can start making some calls."

I nodded my head, taken off guard that she gave up that easily.

The rest of the morning went by pretty smoothly. Gemma had changed the subject and we were finally back to our normal selves around each other.

I heard a bike rumble onto the lot and I knew it had to be him. I peeked out the window and felt the fire rise to my cheeks when I noticed he wasn't alone. Ima the whore was riding bitch.

I eyed her climbing off the back of his bike. That was my spot she had her nasty ass in. She watched as he backed his bike in and slung the extra helmet, my helmet, off her head. I tried to calm down, reminding myself that it was just club business and he loved me. Obviously he wanted to be with me, making me his old lady last night.

But then I witnessed them exchange a few words, that famous Jax Teller smile cross his face and her lean in, pressing her lips against his. I was so enraged I didn't even notice Gemma come back in the room and standing next to me.

"That ok with you, sweetheart?"

I wasn't going to clue her in on my feelings, I didn't want to be marked as that jealous girlfriend already.

"I trust him."

"It's not him you worry about, it's them. They think he's a free dick. You haven't given them any reason to think otherwise."

"I haven't had a reason to do that yet."

"Well, now you do. Gotta educate, set the bitch straight. Others see it, then they know."

I wasn't going to run out there like a mad woman and started throwing elbows.

"I'm not gonna fight her, Gemma."

"Ok, baby. Whatever you say." She waltzed away and I quickly went back to my seat when I spotted him heading in my direction. Spying on him was not something I wanted him to know I was doing.

I looked up when he walked in the door, shooting him a sweet smile, trying my hardest to cover up the jealously that raged inside.

"Hey, babe." He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I couldn't help but think about the scene I had just observed.

"Hi." Before I could say any more my cell phone vibrated from the counter. I didn't recognize the number, but decided to answer anyways.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kendra. It's Brian." I was confused. I had no idea why after the time that had passed he would be calling. He was the one who decided not to stay friends, we hadn't kept in touch at all.

I wasn't sure I wanted to talk to him in front of Jax. I could already feel the questioning stares coming from both him and his mother. A tag team, just what I needed.

"Oh, hey. How are you?" I stepped outside the office to talk. I was really curious as to what he could possibly want.

"I'm good. I'm actually in Charming, visiting Tara. Thought I would see if you wanted to get coffee. Just as friends, of course."

This was weird, but there was really no reason for me to say no. Brian was a nice enough guy and I had felt bad for the way things ended.

"Um, sure. Want to meet at Charlie's coffee shop in about 15 minutes?"

"Sounds great. I'll see you soon, Kendra."

I hung up the phone and shook my head. There wouldn't be any harm in meeting him for coffee in a public place. I was more concerned with how I would tell Jax.

I walked back into the office to see Gemma had disappeared and Jax watching me with a curious look. "What was that about?"

"It was just Brian, he wants to meet for coffee. He's in town visiting Tara."

"What'd you tell him?"

"I told him I would meet him in a few minutes down at Charlie's."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Kendra. Not with this shit with Zoebel."

"Jax, it's Charming. Nothing is going to happen. You can send a prospect with me if you want, but I'm going to go. We didn't end on bad terms, he's a nice guy. It's just as friends." I figured a little bit of his possessiveness was poking through. I kind of enjoyed giving him a taste of his own medicine.

"Sack's already down there keeping an eye on Zoebel and Weston. I'll let him know you're coming. You call me when you're leaving there."

I knew he was just doing this to make sure I was safe, but I still felt like I was on house arrest.

"Sure."

I laced his fingers with mine and pushed my wet lips against his aggressively. I wanted to let him know that he was mine and I was his. Nothing would change that.

I headed out to my car when I heard his footsteps behind me. "hey! there's a wrap party tonight at CaraCara, I'll meet you here before. Happy's ready to ink you when you get back."

I smiled at him before climbing in my car and heading into town.

A/N: Ok, so this is definitely all building up to the shit hitting the fan, so please stick with me because it's about to go down in the next chapter. Hope you're still enjoying this. Please leave me some reviews and let me know what you think.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: So I'm going to do things a little differently than how the show actually plays this out. It will be along the same lines, but the storyline will change somewhat. Hope you guys stick with it. As always, thank you everyone for all that you have done regarding this story! I want to continue to name the special readers who take time to review this for me- you have no idea the amount of motivation you provide me with knowing you are still enjoying this. So thank you to Hanna West, HGRHfan35, ericzmic and Guest.

**Just as a warning, there is a rape scene in the beginning part. Just trying to depict what happened, so if you want to skip ahead, please do!

Chapter 12: Crash This Train (song belongs to Joshua James)

I woke up in a dark room, sitting on the cold concrete floor of what looked to be some sort of warehouse. My head was throbbing, with the pain shooting through my skull I was surprised my head was still even attached. My hands were tied together and cinched to a pole above my head. I had no feeling in my arms, indicating to me that I had been tied up this way for quite some time.

I tried to scan my memory for any clue as to how I got to this point. Last thing I remembered was Brian walking me to my car after having a short coffee date with him. He had filled me in on his feelings for Tara and was asking for my help in setting the two up. He was an idiot if he thought I would ever do that.

I tried to rack my brain for anything I could gather. I saw flashing images of a man in a weird mask, signaling something to Brian right before I blacked out.

The sound of a door slamming close by brought me back to where I was currently and my body began to tremble. All I could do was pray that Jax, Gemma or someone noticed I had not made it back to the garage, at least before it was too late.

The sound of two sets of footsteps drew closer and I couldn't help but start to sob. I had no idea who these men were or, more importantly, what they would do to me.

They rounded the corner and I couldn't help but notice both of them had that same weird mask on I remembered one wearing before I woke up here.

"It's a shame Teller would let such a beautiful girl go anywhere alone. Look what happens…" His voice was taunting and I couldn't help but sob a little harder.

"How we gonna do this man, they'll kill us if they ever find out who did this." I recognized that voice. It was Brian.

"Shut up. Just do what I tell you." The other man sounded vaguely familiar, but I still couldn't place his voice.

The stockier man came closer and I tried my hardest to retract my body from any contact with him. He knelt down in front of me, it was then that I noticed the tattoo.

"You need to send a message to your old man. Tell mister vice president and his club they are to stop selling guns to niggers and wet-backs at the request of the League of American Nationalists. It wasn't hard for us to get to you once, we will find you and do this again if we have to."

He started tugging and ripping at my jeans. "No! Please, no!" I screamed and tried to fight him off, but with my hands tied there wasn't much I was able to do.

He tore my panties in one swipe and I knew what was about to happen. I tried everything I could to stop him, but I knew all I could do was pray it would be over quickly.

He thrust into me hard and violent. I could feel my core ripping and tearing every time he drove inside of me. My cries became harder as he picked up his pace. He grabbed my hair and yanked as he began pushing harder and harder. The fact that I was dryer than the Sahara was making it difficult for him, but that sure as shit wasn't stopping him.

I felt him stiffen and I knew what was about to happen. "Please, stop!" I begged him, I didn't want this to happen. It didn't matter though. He finished emptying himself and pulled out, making way for the other man to take his turn.

"Please don't do this." I tried to look at him through the eyes of the disgusting mask he was donning. I knew it was Brian. I was afraid if I called him out though the man with the tattoo, Weston, would kill me.

Without a word he started right back in where the other masked man had left off. He kept up until he finished.

Weston threw my pants at me, unhooking my hands from the pole and untying them. "Make sure you pass along the message, or this will just be the beginning."

The two left and I waited a couple minutes before pulling my pants back on and walking towards the door. I had to get out of here before they decided the better message to send would be a dead body.

&*&%^%$*&*%^$%*&&

Jax pulled back into the garage after having to run back to CaraCara, handling Luann's melt down of Bobby handling the books for her. It was a low blow for Clay to go behind his, and the clubs, back and make that sort of decision but he knew Bobby needed the extra money.

It was getting late and he couldn't help but notice Kendra's car was still missing. That didn't sit right with him, especially since she was meeting her ex-boyfriend. He backed his bike into his second row parking spot and cut the engine.

He headed towards the office when he was greeted by his mother, already halfway out the door.

"You heard from Kendra? She never came back this afternoon."

He pulled out his burner, making sure he hadn't missed any calls from her on his way from CaraCara to here.

"No, haven't heard anything. It's been hours, she can't still be with that asshole." He was starting to worry. He decided to call Half-Sack and see if he noticed her leave town. He was supposed to be keeping an eye on her anyway.

He motioned for his mother to give him a minute as he listened to the ringing, waiting for the prospect to answer.

"Hey."

"Yea, did you see Kendra leave? She should have been back to T-M by now and she isn't."

"Nah, man. I saw that guy she was with walk her to the back lot, where she must have parked, and that's the last I saw. Figured she pulled out and I just missed her."

Fuck, something about this just didn't feel right.

"Any word on Zobelle or Weston?"

"Haven't seen them all afternoon. I'm pretty bored here man, nothing's going on."

"I don't give a shit, you sit there until I give you word that it's ok to leave."

He slammed the phone shut and let out a sigh.

"Anything?" Gemma questioned, worry evident in her voice.

"I'm gonna run by the house and see if she's there. Stay by your phone."

He straddled his bike and slid the helmet back on. Something wasn't right and he needed to find Kendra, soon.

He pulled up to his house and saw her car in his driveway. He let out a sigh of relief knowing that she was alright.

It was dark and he noticed Neeta had already left for the night.

"Babe?" he called out as he walked through the front door, hanging his kutte up and looking around for her.

She emerged from Abel's room, closing the door behind her.

"He down for the night?"

She shook her head and brushed past him. It was when her face was under the lights of the living room that he noticed the bruises on her cheeks and her busted lip.

"What the fuck happened? Are you alright?" He rushed over to her, gently taking her face in his hands and turning her head from left to right making sure to examine every inch of it.

"Yea, I'm fine. Just walked into the bathroom door when I got home. You know how clumsy I can be."

"The bathroom door did this to you? Cut the shit, Ken. What happened?"

*&%^(*^%%$%^&^

I didn't want to tell him. I wasn't going to fall prey to the trap they had set. They wanted the club to come after them for this, retaliation. And when they did those Nazi fuckers would be waiting for them. I didn't want any of them getting hurt or killed because of me. I could get through this, I could pretend like nothing happened.

But he was persistent and smarter than I gave him credit for. I knew he wouldn't give up on this and my lame ass bathroom door story wasn't going to cut it with the way my face looked. I knew I had to give him something.

"After coffee Brian walked me to my car. Next thing I knew some man in a weird, rubber mask came out from behind another car and knocked me in the face. He hit me a few times and then slammed me in the back of the head, knocking me out cold. When I woke up I drove straight here. I didn't feel like explaining all of that to the questioning glances I would get if I went back to the clubhouse."

Ok, so I gave him something. I didn't need to tell him that I knew who did it, the message they wanted me to pass along or the rest of what they did to me.

"Fuck! I told Sack to keep an eye on you. That piece of shit. Did you get any sort of identifying look at the guy?"

"Uhh… no. I told you, he was wearing a mask."

"Where the fuck was Brian?"

I wasn't sure if I should throw him in. I could, but if Jax found him Brian would sure as shit give up Weston and Zobelle, leading to exactly what I was trying to avoid.

"He left before the guy came at me."

"Why don't you go lay down. I'll be in a minute." He started to fish his phone out of his pocket.

"No, that's ok. Why don't you go to the party? I'll stay here with Abel. You shouldn't be stuck in this house just because of me."

I wasn't sure I wanted him to be close to me right now. The thought of a man's hands on me made me quiver. I didn't want to throw him off and have to spill the rest of the story to him.

"Babe, I'm not leaving you here alone after this shit."

I knew there was no changing his mind. All I could do was nod as I turned to head back to the bedroom.

I laid down and tried to close my eyes, tried to pretend this was all a nightmare and I would wake up wrapped in Jax's arms. I picked my phone up to check the time and spotted my reflection in the glass. Nope, not a nightmare. This shit was real life.

If these guys were willing to take me in broad daylight and do this to me all to send some stupid message to Jax and the club, then there was no doubt they would do it again if they didn't succeed. I wasn't going to be the one to help them, though. I could work through this.

I was uncomfortable. It hurt to move, I could feel every tear each time I tried to reposition myself into some sort of suitable position. It just wasn't working. Just when I rolled over and tried to ease my legs together, trying hard not to make any sudden movements Jax stepped through the door.

He pulled his shirt over his head and kicked his jeans off on the floor at the foot of the bed. Normally I wouldn't be able to peel my eyes off him, the sight of his body alone could make me willing and more than ready, but tonight was different. I just wanted all this to go away. I wasn't sure I wanted him anywhere near me. My head was all fucked up but I couldn't let him in on that.

Clad in only his white boxers, he climbed in next to me and gently slung his arm around my waist. Thankfully I was facing the opposite direction and he didn't see me cringe at the touch of his skin on mine.

His lips graced my shoulder blade before he whispered in my ear "I'm so sorry this happened, babe. I'll find the fucker who did this and make them pay." He had no idea what he was in for.

*&&^$%%#^&&**&(*^&%^$%#%^&^*&(&

When I woke up the next morning I realized I was alone in bed. I slept terrible, tossed and turned, trying anything to get some sort of comfort out of this damn bed. I was glad I was alone, Jax had left a little while ago for the clubhouse. No doubt to fill the guys in on the day's prior events and get a start on finding the perp who did this.

Neeta was already here and I was so grateful for that. I wasn't sure I could handle taking care of my issues and handling Abel too.

I climbed in the shower, hoping the warm water would help wash away some of the shame I was currently feeling. I had never felt so violated in my entire life. I stood under the waterfall of water and flashbacks of Weston ripping my pants off, pounding into me what seemed like as hard as he could came to me. I couldn't handle it, I crumpled into a little ball and fell to the tile floor.

I tried to keep my sobs as quiet as possible so Neeta wouldn't hear me. I was unsuccessful because just when I was trying to pick myself up the bathroom door swung open, but it wasn't at all who I expected.

"Everything ok in here?" She made her way into the bathroom, leaving me scrambling to shut off the water and cover myself with a towel. I'm sure it wasn't anything she hasn't seen before but being in her son's house kind of made it awkward, even if she did know what was going on between us.

"Yea, everything's fine." I was glad I was still wet from the shower, maybe she wouldn't notice the tears streaming from my eyes.

"Didn't sound that way."

Damn Gemma and her honing skills. She always knew when something wasn't right.

"Jax told me what happened, I came over to check in on you. See if you need anything."

She came over to be nosey too, that would always be included in her reasoning.

"It's nothing. Just some bumps and bruises. Nothing a little time won't heal." I tried lying, my quivering voice was giving me away.

"You sure, baby?" She looked me over and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it from her. A part of me wanted to tell her, but I knew she would only tell Jax and things would turn shit even worse than they already had.

I tried to answer her, tell her that everything was fine. Tell her that I would be alright and she could leave. But something inside of me wouldn't let that happen. I broke down, the tears flowing like a river from my eyes and my sobs becoming louder. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me flush against her body, holding me like an injured child.

A few minutes passed and once I regained most of my composure she led me out into the bedroom and sat me on the bed next to her.

"Those bumps and bruises can't be the reason for that show in there."

"If I tell you, you have to swear to me on everything that is important to you that you will keep your mouth shut. You can't tell a soul. Not Clay, not Jax, not Tig, no one. No one can know what I'm about to tell you."

She raised her eyebrow at me but nodded in agreement.

"The first part of the story is true, a guy jumped me in the back lot after getting coffee with Brian. But, Brian was in on it too. I woke up tied up in some warehouse just a few miles south of town. I wasn't sure what they were going to do to me. Two men came back in, both wearing masks. I know who they were. They told me to tell Jax and the club to stop selling guns to the Mayans and One Niners or else they would find me and do it again. Then," I paused trying to gain the strength to actually say the words out loud. I hadn't been able to come to terms with it in reality, this was my breaking point. "Then they raped me. They took turns."

Gemma was rendered speechless for once in the entire time I had known her. All she did was wrap her arms around me again and pull me closer.


End file.
